Page 121 of Hamartia
As if on cue, Kai and Xan reappear from the crowd. Kai sits on the opposite side of Su-jin, and Xan stays standing. They give Jae a look and he moves back, putting a little space between us. But then he leans forward on his elbows, resting his head on his hands which he then tilts in my direction. He gives me a slow, loaded smile. It hits my balls first. Then my dick. A low, warm thrum of desire that makes me want to drag him into the bathroom and fuck him senseless.
Another image then. One that makes me choke slightly on my drink. Something I want so fucking badly I can barely breathe. I want him to fuck me. I want it. That door that was unlocked when he stuck his finger in my ass had been forcefully kicked the fuck open.
I swallow around the breath stuck in my throat, and ask, “So how do you guys know Dal?” I need to focus on something else to stop the rampant thoughts careening through my head.
Jae glances at where the young DJ is bent over talking to Xan and Kai.
“He was in our group,” Jae says. “When we first began.”
I look at Dal anew. He’s about Kai’s age I’d guess, good-looking and wearing a pair of thick–rimmed glasses. Tattoos stretch up the length of both his arms.
“But after three years as a trainee, he simply left. Said it was not the life he wanted. He opened this bar and now he DJ’s and is happy.”
There’s a look on Jae’s face as he stares at Dal that might be envy.
“What would you be doing if this wasn’t your life?” I honestly can’t imagine Jae doing a normal job. Sat behind a desk, clocking in for a pay check. He’s too…extraordinary. Stands out too much. Feels like he was born to be idolized. “What did you wanna be when you were a kid?”
“That is the funny thing,” he says with a sad smile. “I always wanted this. I dreamed of it.”
It hurts, watching the lost, sad look in his face. He holds it a second, then shakes it out with a gentle toss of his head.
“And now you don’t want it? Your dream?”
He laughs, softly. “Dreams are safer when they are unachievable. Anyway, it does not matter what I want. Now this is bigger than my dreams, or Kai’s, or Xan’s. It is bigger than all of us.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Under the table I settle a hand over his thigh and give it a light squeeze. For comfort only. “So all you can do is try to be happy outside of it.”
I hope he gets what I’m saying. That I want to be that for him. That I’m going to be that for him for as long as he wants me to be.
“Life is a struggle, man. We grow and we learn and we evolve, and all we can do is try to find some fucking happiness along the way.” I lean my head on my hands, a mirror pose to his own. “Let me be that for you?”
He holds my stare a moment and then without breaking it, lifts his drink and downs the last of it.
“And what about when you decide this is not what you want anymore?” he asks. “What shall I do then?”
“Nice try, but I already told you: I’m not going. Not unless you tell me to. And even then…”
My smile is playful but I’m deadly serious. I feel his hand settle over mine beneath the table and he squeezes my fingers inside his own. He gives me a single look of resolve and then he’s kissing me. His free hand tangles into my hair and his body slides forward and everything falls away around us. Everything is his mouth and the soft warm press of his body and the expensive smell of his skin. It’s me that pulls back from his mouth, licking the taste of him from my lips.
“Fuck, I really want to get out of here…” It comes out as a groan as I stare at his mouth.
The side of his mouth lifts up, seductive as sin. “We can get out of here.”
It starts in the alley outside and continues in the Uber. I can’t keep my fucking hands off him. The thing I’ve been trying to keep contained the entire night, in front of his friends, I let loose now. The warm angles of his body vibrate under my hands, the soft low noises as my fingers tease his cock and nipples over his clothes wrap themselves around me.
It’s almost feral, the need building in me. By the time we reach his apartment building my dick is hard as stone and his cheeks and mouth are painted red from my kisses. I’m not gonna last long. Which is fine, I suppose. Sometimes it’s like this, quick and rough and filthy.
We just stare at each other in the elevator. But then he casually brushes a hand across the front of his jeans and licks his lips and the head of my cock pulses out something warm and wet. The instant the door of his apartment is open, I’m pushing him inside and against the wall, back to me. He unbuttons his jeans by himself, making it easier for me to yank them down, and then I’m kneeling behind him with my face buried in his ass. I spread him open and lick a stripe across the tender warm hole, groaning when he lets out a strangled noise from above.
He twitches around my tongue, the opening clenching at the attention. I tilt my head and flick the point of my tongue against the rim teasing and licking at it, but it’s not enough. I need to be inside it.
“Spread yourself open for me,” I tell him. “Let me see it.”
I feel completely out of it and entirely fucking focused at the same time. My voice is a low dark hiss in the half-light of his hallway. He groans as he does what he’s told and it’s so hot I think about letting go and coming right there.
“Raphael, please…” He whines. He’s got his head pressed sideways against the wall, eyes squeezed closed. I stare back at his hole. All pink and desperate and clenching. He’s fucking his hips into the wall as he can’t use his hands, because they’re holding his ass open for me.
“You’re so fucking hot, Jaehyun. So beautiful, I wish you could see yourself like this.” I jerk my cock a few times, brave. Stupid. “Tell me what you want, baby. Tell me…I’ll give you anything you want.”
