Page 58 of Hamartia
He glances up at me.
“Next time we’re in the same city or whatever, maybe we can catch up?”
Catch up? Stop. Fucking. Talking. Raphael.
“No pressure, dude,” he says, in this weird tone that I realize is supposed to be mine.
I frown at him and he glowers up at me.
“What? What did I say?”
He rolls his eyes and turns onto his side, reaching across to the nightstand for his phone. “Forget it, Raphael.”
Why do I always say the wrong thing with this guy? We’re communicating in English, but he may as well be talking to me in Korean for all the shit I don’t understand.
“I don’t want to forget it, Jae. I want you to tell me what I said that’s wrong so I don’t do it again.”
I hate how whiny my voice sounds and it looks like he does too, because the look he gives me does nothing to settle the curdled milk sensation in my stomach. He fixes his eyes back on his phone and starts scrolling. I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to answer, but then he does, and in a quiet voice says:
“I cannot teach you everything.”
It feels like I’ve been slapped again. I sit up, staring down at him but feeling small.
“I’m…I’m not asking you to, but you need to give me something here. I don’t—”
“If you tell me again that you do not know what you are doing, or what this is I will scream, Raphael.”
It’s enough to silence me, my face and tongue burning hot. I deal with it how I deal with most things. Bravado.
“Yeah, well, I kinda like hearing you scream to be honest.”
His fingers pause their scrolling and he slides his gaze up to mine, something warmer in them again. I reach out to run my hand up his thigh, skimming over the divots beneath his hips, and up to the little piercings he has there.
“Look, I’m not asking you to teach me everything, Jaehyun. But you have to help me out a little. I feel like I’m pissing in the wind with you sometimes. This is new for me—really fucking new. And honestly, I’ve never been all that great with knowing what women want either, so it’s not necessarily a guy thing. But with you, especially, I’m scared to say or do the wrong thing, okay? I’m scared that you’re gonna realize that there are a million other guys out there more experienced and better equipped to deal with…” I stop myself sayingwhatever this isjust in time. “…better for you and you’ll be done with me.”
He gives me a long look. “Raphael, when I am done with you, you will know it.”
“Yeah, and maybe that’s part of the problem. Like I’m sitting around here waiting for you to get bored of me and it’s stressing me the fuck out.”
His eyes round, all big and guilty. “I am stressing you out?”
“No, not you. Just…this…a little. I mean, fuck…I don’t know.” I sigh and drag a hand through my hair.
Jae vaults up to sitting, shuffling closer so he’s in my space. He places a hand on my cheek and forces me to meet his eyes.
“Hey, it’s okay. Things are fine. You are doing really well.” He soothes, like he’s used to assuming this role. Of reassuring. Comforting. “I am sorry I am so difficult.” He leans in to kiss me, chaste and soft. “There is no stress here, okay. Only fun. Only that.”
Only that.
“Fun?”
He nods and kisses me again, deeper this time. “Fun.” He reaches up to run his fingers through my hair. He looks to be thinking hard. “You could stay here for a few days. Until you must go to Colorado. We have one more concert the day after tomorrow and then some schedule before we leave for Korea.”
Chest expanding with happiness, I smile at him. “You’re inviting me to stay here? With you?”
There’s a hesitant smile on his face. “Yes. If you like. But there is…no pressure,dude.”
When he pulls this cute as fuck pouting face, I feel this strange fluttering in my stomach. Not butterflies, but close enough. I pull him onto me so he’s settled on my lap, straddling my thighs, and kiss him roundly on the mouth.
