Page 84 of Oleander
My fingers itched to text him. I pulled my phone out to do just that when a text came in.
Ellie:
Miss you??x.
I was about to respond, debating too long over the words, when another came through.
Caspien:
what are you doing?
Was he serious?
Me:
I’m at home.
Caspien:
That’s not what I asked.
Me:
I’m not doing anything. Are u home?
Caspien:
Yes.
My hands trembled as I wrote:
Me:
Luke and Beth are out
Caspien:
How lovely for them.
Me:
if u want to come over
There was nothing for so long that I thought I might just go outside and drown myself in the lake. The speck of pride I had left wouldn’t possibly allow me to turn up there now.
But then:
Caspien:
all right.
I ran upstairs first and made sure my room was clean. Which it was since I’d cleaned and mopped it earlier for something to do. I opened the window and squirted some of my cologne into the air.
I went to piss and check my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Then I brushed my teeth. Then I worried that brushing them might indicate that I’d been expecting to kiss him, so I grabbed a bag of Skittles from the sweet cupboard, threw a handful into my mouth and chewed.
I switched the TV onto something I thought would look as though I’d been watching instead of what I’d actually been doing. A rugby union match was on, so I turned the volume up and made to settle into the couch to watch it.
I could not have told you what teams were playing or who was in the lead; my brain refusing to move pastCaspien, you’re going to see him, you haven’t seen him in the flesh since September.
