Page 62 of The Sea Siren of Broadwater Bottom
“—who everyone loves,” she said along with him. “You said that to me last night. It broke my heart, but I hoped you had misspoken. Now I know you meant every word.”
He knew it. He bloody well knew it. She saw past all of his defenses, saw all of the things he tried desperately to keep hidden so she wouldn’t despise him.
She hugged him tighter, resting her head upon his shoulder.
There was a sudden roaring in his ears. Because—because—
Elissasaw those things.
Shealready knew.
And she—shedidn’t despise him.
That couldn’t be right. That couldn’t possibly be right.
And yet, Harrington knew about his problems. And Anne, too.
And they loved him. He knew they did.
But they don’t know the whole truthwhispered that little voice in his head, the one that never really went away.If they knew everything, they would cast you out.
Elissa squeezed him again. “I know how much you hate this. But I want to understand. For some reason, you believe that you’re unlovable. But you’re wrong. And the only way to overthrow this misguided belief is for you to tell me whatever it is that you think is so horrible and see that I still love you. Because I will still love you, Edward. I promise I will. And then maybe you’ll finally understand that you’re worthy of love.”
Edward couldn’t bring himself to respond. His thoughts were flying away from him like horses that had shied. They were now carrying him far afield, to places he’d never meant to go.
He couldn’t tell her aboutthe incident, the day he had learned with absolute certainty that his father did not love him in the same way he loved Harrington.
Obviously, he couldn’t tell her. It had occurred almost twenty years ago, but he’d never toldanyoneabout… about…
But… what if he was wrong? What if he was wrong and Elissa was right?
What if he didn’t have to hate himself?
The thought should’ve cheered him, but paradoxically, there was nothing more terrifying than hope. Because there was nothing worse than letting yourself believe, only to have everything come crashing down around you.
“Is it because you’re the heir?” Elissa asked. “Is that why you believe the expectations are so different for you and Harrington?”
He couldn’t believe he was even considering it. But the thought of telling her… it was strangely tempting.
It was also completely terrifying. And yet…
“There is that. But there’s also…” He cleared his throat. “There was also…”
“Yes?” Elissa said encouragingly.
He drew in a breath, steeling himself to tell her.
CHAPTER25
Elissa stroked her hand across Edward’s back, which had gone stiff as a plank. He didn’t look very well; frankly, he looked like he might cast his accounts.
She looped her arms around his chest again, mostly for comfort, and only a bit because his eyes were darting around frantically, and she feared he might leap to his feet and take off running across the grass.
“I was…” he began haltingly. “We were…”
“Yes?” She rubbed his back encouragingly.
It happened suddenly. His body seemed to deflate, his spine going from ramrod-straight to slumped in an instant. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at the creases on his forehead. When he spoke, his words came out in a panicked rush. “I can’t, Elissa. I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, but I—I—”
