Page 62 of One Bed for the Bluestocking
But it was too much.
Her voice was quiet but steady as she said, “I could never ask you to give up your dream of attaining a professorship.”
He waved this off.“That is behind me now.We must focus on what must be done.I will speak to Principal Baird and see if he is aware of any vacancies.There is also your brother-in-law, the duke.”His expression grew pained.“I hate to ask, but he is bound to have a few livings within his gift, and he’s bound to know many men of influence who are in a similar position.Of course, he does not know me, but perhaps if you were to write to him, he might be persuaded to advocate on my behalf.”
Kate drew in a slow breath, gathering the courage to say what had to be said.“I can see that you feel obligated to do this?—”
“Obligated?”Nathaniel looked more confused than anything else.“I assure you, I am not proposing this out of a sense of obligation.”
“It is noble of you to say that.But I know you do not wish to give up your career in academia.”
He shrugged.“Of course not.But that door has closed, and now, we must forge a new path.Together.”
She wrung her hands.“It’s only… I can’t bear for you to come to resent me when you realize how much you have given up.”
“I could never resent you.”He tried to take her hands, but she drew hers back.He frowned.“Kate?What’s wrong?”
“Something has happened,” she said in a rush.“This morning.It was Iain Galbreath.He figured out my secret.It must’ve happened when we were playing the skittles game, and the two of us went down in a tangle.Do you remember?He felt the padding I added to my coat and the strip of linen I’ve been using to bind my breasts.He realized what it meant.That I am a woman.”
Nat’s face, which had looked ashen since she opened his door, was growing ruddy.“Did he threaten to expose you?”
She laughed.“Hedidexpose me, in front of Professor Hope and the two-hundred-some-odd students in attendance at my morning chemistry lecture.”
“Hewhat?”Nat cried.He shook his head as if he was struggling to understand.“Surely, this is more reason than ever for us to marry.Withhaste.”
“I won’t do that to you,” she insisted.“This is what you must do—you must claim that you were ignorant of my deception.That I maintained my disguise for the duration of our expedition, and you are in every way innocent.”
He looked shocked.“Don’t be absurd, Kate!You could be carrying my child!”
“Oh!”Why had it not occurred to her that this might be his concern?“I’m not.My courses came three days ago.”She did her best to smile, although it felt forced.“There were no consequences of our… er… interlude.”
His voice was tremulous.“I assure you, there were consequences for me.And don’t refer to it as aninterlude.I assure you, it was not temporary.”He knelt on the wooden floor and took her hands, ignoring her attempts to wriggle away.“Talk to me, Kate.What on earth is going on?Why are you making these absurd suggestions?”
She bristled.“They’re not absurd!Can’t you see I’m doing this for you?”
He snorted.“You think you’re doing me a favor by breaking my heart?”
Breaking his… She almost gave in at that.But she knew it was a mere gallantry.That she could never mean as much to him as his career.If he had to give up his academic dreams on her account, he would one day come to resent her.“You’ll thank me someday.When you attain the professorship you deserve.”
His eyes seared her soul.“Hangthe professorship!It would be a cold comfort if I don’t have you by my side.”
She blinked, stunned.It was hard to do what she knew she must when he was looking at her with such conviction.He clearly believed what he was saying.But she knew that with each passing day, as he realized what he had given up, he would grow embittered.“You say that now.But I know how it is with academics such as yourself.Nothing is more important to you than your work.Nothing.And if I were to come between you and success in your career, you would only come to resent me.”
He had been peering at her, eyes crinkled in confusion.But as she said this, they slowly opened.She watched in horror as comprehension swept across his face.“This is about your father.Isn’t it?”
Chapter30
Nat knew from the panic that flashed across Kate’s face that he was right.
“What?”she cried, her voice a squeak.“No!Of course it isn’t!”
Her expression, however, said,Yes!Of course it is!
He gave her a mulish look.“It absolutely is!He abandoned you and your sisters to go on that stupid voyage, and now, you believe that every man will do the same.”
Amid her panic, he detected an undercurrent of annoyance, most likely that he had figured it out.“I… He…” She shook herself.“Don’t be absurd!”
Nat stood and, without warning, scooped her up in his arms.Ignoring her squeal, he sat on the chair himself and placed her on his lap.
