Page 63 of One Bed for the Bluestocking
He knew he needed to tread carefully.“Kate,” he said, pressing a kiss against her temple.“I hadn’t wanted to mention it, as the subject is a bit awkward.But your father is not a very wise man.”
She sighed.“I know.His scientific work has never been of a high quality.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle.“True.But that’s not what I meant.I meant that he is a fool for not appreciating you.”
Her cheeks grew pink.“It is normal, I think, for a man to have little use for his daughters.”
“Not my father.I wish you could see the respect and consideration with which he treats my mother and my sister.It strikes me that my family is very different than yours.I know with absolute confidence that any member of my family would help me in my hour of need.It would never occur to me that they would abandon me.”
She stiffened in his lap, bristling.“My sisters are like that.I can always count on them.”
He rubbed her back.“I’m glad.I’m glad you had someone to give you unflagging support.But you seem to have developed an expectation—subconsciously, I’m sure—that men cannot be relied on.I promise you, Kate—I’m nothing like your father.I want you to think of me as you do your sisters.As someone who willalwaysbe there for you, no matter what.”
Her shoulders slumped.“I do know that.I know you are a man of the highest character.That you will always do the right thing, even to your own detriment.”
“That is where you are confused.”She gave him a sharp look, and he laughed.“Not about my character.Your description is what I aspire to, at least.But what I wish to pound into that brilliant, stubborn head of yours is that marrying you is not to my detriment.”
He could tell she didn’t believe him.“But… it is.You would have to give up any hope of attaining the Natural History Chair, and?—”
He cut her off with a kiss.“I love you, Kate.Even when I thought you were a boy, I knew it.I felt an overwhelming conviction that you were mypartner.”
She nodded.“Certainly, my skills as an artist complement your area of expertise.”
He groaned, letting his head loll back.Stubborn as a mule, his beautiful bride, and determined to see what she wanted to see.“You have a rare talent for interpreting every word I say in the most detached, clinical manner imaginable.”He tugged her hair.“IncludingI love you.Your value to me is not as an artist.If you somehow lost your abilities, it wouldn’t change my wish to marry you one jot.I want to go through life with you.I want you by my side.I will admit, I will be disappointed if I never become a professor.But I would bedevastatedif I lost you.”
Kate blinked up at Nathaniel, certain she had misheard.Something inside of her was crumbling.If she were less knowledgeable about human anatomy, she might have guessed that it was the wall she had carefully constructed around her heart.She even seemed to be leaking.She reached up and brushed her fingers across her cheek, only to realize that the odd dampness she had felt was tears.Hertears.
Nathaniel was still speaking.“There’s a reason I said your father wasn’t verywise, rather than very intelligent.From what you’ve told me, he isn’t very happy.I’m not surprised, but my belief is that he doesn’t understand the source of his own unhappiness.He believes it to be due to his lack of scientific achievement.But I’m given to understand that on their deathbeds, very few people bemoan the paper they did not finish.Their only concern is telling their family and friends that they love them.Thatis what your father failed to understand.The key to his happiness—his four wonderful daughters—was right there before him.But he could not see it.”
He reached up to frame her face.“I will not make the same mistake.And so, I am going to ask you again, and I need you to understand that I am doing so not to sacrifice my happiness, but to secure it.My beloved, wonderful, stubborn Kate—will you make me the happiest man in all of Christendom by consenting to become my wife?”
“But… the professorship,” she sputtered.“It’s your dream.I know it is.You wanted to pursue it even when it turned out we didn’t need the money to get by.”
Understanding dawned on his face.“Ah.And that made you feel that you weren’t my priority.”
She ducked her chin, wishing she hadn’t spoken.It was hard, having someone see her so clearly.“It’s all right.I under?—”
He cut her off with a kiss.“I’m sorry, Kate, that I made you think that, even for a second.You, and the children we will have together, will always be my first priority.What I was trying to express was that, in spite of your considerable fortune, I wish to continue working.To be a productive member of society.Hence, my suggestion that I secure a post as a parish priest.It is not in my nature to sit around and sponge off my wife.But I obviously expressed myself very poorly, and for that, I apologize.”
“Oh.”It was hard to look at him when he was gazing at her like that, with his eyes radiating such love and affection.It was almost like staring into the sun.“I… I see.”
He pressed his forehead against hers.“And what is your answer to my question?”
“Yes.A thousand times, yes,” she said in a voice that quavered.“I’m sorry.I’m sure it sounded like I doubted you.But the person I truly doubted was myself.It still feels too good to be true.If I’m being honest, I am having difficulty believing that I am worthy of such a love.”
Happiness spread across his face like a sunrise.“How fortunate that I will have a lifetime to show you that you are.”
“I look forward to it.And I love you, too.”
She thought he might kiss her then, but he didn’t.Instead, his expression turned solemn.“You must never hide your feelings from me, Kate.From this day forward, we must be open and honest with one another.”
She nodded.“You’re right, of course.From this day forth, I will strive to ask you what you think, rather than assume that I know.And I will try to be more open with my feelings as well.”
He gave her a squeeze.“Good.You can start by answering me this—would you be happy being a vicar’s wife?Pursuing the natural sciences as a hobby, rather than a vocation?”
She didn’t need even a second to consider her answer.“So long as I am married to you, I will be perfectly content.”
She kissed him then, and the anxiety of the morning fell away.She would write to Jasper and Eleanor.Gracious, why had she been worried?With those two in their corner, Nathaniel would probably be a bishop by month’s end.
