Page 61 of One Bed for the Bluestocking
Nat didn’t have it in him to get angry or yell.But it seemed inevitable that his feelings for her would change.What if a twinge of regret came into his eyes every time he looked at her?What if he married her out of a sense of obligation, but the warmth that had flourished between them disappeared forever?
What if he couldn’t even bear the sight of her, the person who had cost him his dream?
They had reached the building that housed his office.Kate swallowed as she mounted the steps.At least she wouldn’t be left in suspense.The agony of awaiting his reaction would soon be over.The only question was whether it would be replaced by the agony of losing him.
Chapter29
Colin, Arthur, and Roderick gave Kate encouraging nods, then left her in the corridor outside Nathaniel’s office.
She swallowed thickly.She felt ill with dread, but there was no putting this off.The gossip would reach Nathaniel within the hour.The least she could do was tell him herself.
Raising a fist, she knocked.She heard the muffled sounds of him rising from his desk and making his way to the door.
It swung open, and she drew back.He looked ghastly.His lips, usually twitching with a barely contained grin, sagged, and his eyes looked hollow and dull.“Nat!”she exclaimed.“What’s wrong?”
The answer struck her before he could speak.He had heard.While she had been commiserating with Colin, Arthur, and Roderick, someone had run to his office to tell him.
“Kate.”His voice emerged gruff, and he cleared his throat as he stepped back, holding the door.“You’d best come in.”
She took the plain wooden chair in front of his desk, the same one she’d sat in months before when she came to this very office for an interview.She had felt certain at the time that her life was about to change.
How naïve she had been to have hoped that it would change for the better.
Nat settled behind the desk, his hands clasped before him.“I received some bad news.”
“I know what you’re referring to,” she began.
Before she could add,Please, let me explain, he said, “You heard?About Professor Kerr?”
That brought her up short.“What about Professor Kerr?”
Nat’s eyes were miserable.“He’s decided not to resign the Natural History Chair after all.Apparently, he does this every few years—makes noises about stepping down.But inevitably, his wife persuades him to carry on.”He ran a hand over his face.“I didn’t realize.”
Kate scarcely knew what to say.It was a setback, to be sure.
But nothing compared to the scandal that was bearing down upon him.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmured.
He reached across the desk to seize her hand.“I’m the one who is sorry.Oh, Kate—I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out what to do.I’ve hit upon an idea.”He squeezed his eyes shut.“But I fear you will not like it.”
Kate gathered her courage.“Wait.Before you continue, there’s something you should?—”
But Nathaniel did not seem to hear her.“There are not many avenues of gainful employment that are open to me.But, like most men who have taken their undergraduate degree, I am ordained as a priest.”He opened his eyes, and they were filled with resolve.“I therefore believe the best course of action is for me to seek a church living.”
Kate sat there, stunned.“But you do not want to be a clergyman.”
He shrugged.“It is not my first choice, but given the circumstances, I believe it is our best option.”
It was on the tip of Kate’s tongue to say that there was no need for him to take on a church living.That they could live quite well off her dowry.
But her dowry did not solve the problem of the scandal.Kate was trying to figure out how to tell him what had just happened, how to explain that, even if he remained at the university, he might find himself blackballed from future posts.
Her stomach roiled as she realized that the only way for him to keep his dream alive would be to disavow her.
Unaware of her internal turmoil, Nathaniel began ticking points off on his fingers.“A church living is a respectable form of employment.It will also enable us to continue our work as naturalists.”He looked at her, his eyes sincere.“Many a parish priest finds time to maintain an area of study, whether it is history, the classics, or one of the sciences.It will be in the capacity of a gentleman dilettante rather than a full-time scholar.But we will be able to continue our work.”
Kate’s heart squeezed, that he would be willing to give up so much for her.It was a wonderful gesture.
