Page 32 of Codi
I cannot own you, he says.
Icannot ownyou.
He’s machinery and programming. He was built specifically to be mastered by someone. And here I am, taunting him like he wasn’t property before me. I don’t want him to feel like that’s what he is, that wasn’t my intention. I should back down and apologize, but I cling to a stubbornness I’m all too used to shielding myself with.
“Don’t wait up. I’ll be back late.” I sling my purse onto my shoulder and avoid looking at him. Lucas comes into view carrying as many of his toys as he can in his arms, so I stop to give him another kiss. “Be good for Codi, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.” Lucas arranges his dinosaurs on the living room floor.
I cast one last, furtive glance over my shoulder. The water has started running. Codi is elbow-deep in dishes. I walk out my front door and shut it behind me.
* * *
“I’ve done a majority of the talking this evening. I’m sorry. Tell me about yourself.”
I snap out of my wandering thoughts and refocus my attention on the man across the table. I didn’t even realize I zoned out until I’m quickly brought back to reality.
When I walked out that door and headed to this date, I definitely thought I was being smooth. That I had somehow taken the high ground, despite being the one who screwed up. I don’t know why I do that, why I have this repulsion to being wrong. My best friend can apologize for breathing. I can’t even apologize for playing games and taking something too far.
This night is going pretty badly on my end, and it serves me right. I’m doing everything I can to be polite and pretend to be interested in what Nicholas has to say. Nancy wasn’t kidding when she said he’s stunningly handsome, charming, and funny. He’s every girl’s dream, with money to boot. He’s some kind of financially savvy advisor in a banking firm, and his prospects are through the roof. He’s easily millionaire or even billionaire material. When he smiles, he’s got that dimple in his cheek, and his dark wavy hair is just asking to be played with.
Two weeks ago I would’ve dragged his fine ass to bed and ridden him until my bed broke. Hell, maybe even put a ring on it. I told myself I’d never date another loser, and Nicholas is anything but. But for all his dreamy attributes, the kind that any normal woman would go weak in the knees for, he’s not for me.
I can feel it, even as I take a drink from my glass of sweet rosé wine. I am definitely a girl who prefers whisky or beer, but I went with wine tonight. Partially to look fancy for the British guy, but mostly because I don’t want to get fucking wasted and find myself in more trouble than I already am.
Nancy wasn’t wrong, Nicholas is great. Fantastic, even. But he’s not the one I can’t stop thinking about, the one eating me up from the inside out. Nicholas’s telling me about his family, where he grew up, and his hobbies. Meanwhile I’m over here in my own little la-la land, wondering what Codi’s doing. If he’s cleaning up, reading to Lucas, putting Lucas to bed. I make myself miserable with what-ifs. I could’ve just told him outright everything I’ve been thinking, feeling, hoping for. I’m a grown-ass woman, but instead of being forward, I played games like a chick fresh out of high school.
Trying to make him jealous. What the hell was I thinking?
“Denise?”
Shit, Nicholas asked me a question before.Get your head in the game, bitch. “I’m sorry.” I chuckle sheepishly, taking another sip of wine. “I had a long day at work.”
“Nancy tells me you’re one of the newer additions to the hospital staff. How are you liking it? Living here in New Carnegie, I mean.” Nicholas stares me down with his soft brown eyes. They’re gorgeous. But I’ve grown to prefer white, colorless eyes that sometimes shutter and flick open and closed.
God, I can’t even appreciate his eyes properly. I’ve got Codi on the brain, and I can’t shake him. I’m hopeless, a smitten kitten. Does that make me some kind of freak? I hope not, because I’m not even sorry.
“It’s definitely different from St. Morgan,” I admit as I toy with one of my earrings. “And the hospital’s never boring, that’s for damn sure.”
He smiles at me. “Do you have friends in the city?”
“A few. My best friend Rebecca moved here first and loved it, so I followed her.”
“And you live alone with your... son, right?”
“Lucas,” I say with a little smile. “But I don’t live alone anymore. I have a, um... ” Another big gulp of wine as I silently correct myself.I don’t have Codi. He’s not my property.If anything, Codi has me right now. But best not to get into that with a guy I’ve just met. “An android, and he lives with me.”
“You have an android?” Nicholas perks up with interest. “You know, they’ve just begun selling androids in the UK, just a few months ago, I think. I’ve considered getting one, but I’ve been so busy. How do you like having one?”
“Codi’s amazing.” Before I know it, I’m gushing, and I can’t seem to stop. “I’ve only had him for two weeks, and he’s perfect. He takes care of everything. My house is clean and organized. Lucas loves him and follows him everywhere. He’s absolutely wonderful.”
“Oh,” Nicholas says, perhaps a little surprised by how ardently I talk about him. “Well, you’ve certainly sold me. I’ll look into purchasing one when I head back home.”
I wish I could head back home. I keep wanting to get my phone out of my purse, and I’ve glanced in its direction often. Probably makes me look antsy, but at this point, I’m not sure I care. I could text Codi right now, tell him I’m coming home and that we need to talk.
“Can I ask you something?” Nicholas asks.
“Sure, go ahead.” I shift my attention back to him again. Just because I’m a hot mess express on the inside doesn’t mean I have to let him know about it.
