Page 65 of Ezra
But what began as being benched by my boss turned into something fruitful. Enjoyable. Passionate. I have a better understanding of the opposition. Remaining in close quarters with Katrina Carson became more than tolerable.
It became something to look forward to.
And I am disappointed that I’ll likely never see her again.
[ 5 ]
Kat
Riding in Ezra’s cruiser to my apartment with my purse in my lap, I spend most of the journey trying to think about what to say to him, what to do. Because as glad as I am that I can continue on with my life outside of a cushy ivory tower, I don’t want this to be it. And I’m worried that it is.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve developed a friendship with him, something I didn’t expect would happen. More than that, we’ve definitely crossed what’s supposed to be a friendship line. All while he’s been protecting me. An assigned bodyguard. And I—well, he fingered me and vibrated, and I’ll never experience that with anyone else, ever again. It was amazing.
But it’s not even that stolen night I’ll miss. It’s talking to Ezra. Discussing current events with him, listening to his advice, being pushed to be better than what and who I am now.
I want to keep him in my life. Is that so wrong?
BioNex Tower is far behind us, and the penthouse with it. Stepping outside that door was like moving back into reality from a safe and pleasant dream.
Except I didn’t dream Ezra touched me that night—my first time being touched at all. I didn’t imagine the most powerful and overwhelming orgasm I’ve ever experienced. Nothing I’ve done to myself could rival that. And I didn’t fantasize about spearheading an entire narrative shift for Humanity First from anti-android to simply pro-worker over the course of a couple weeks spent with an android detective who’s both incredibly logical and sometimes infuriatingly correct.
Acknowledgment that I’ve got a lot of work to do within my father’s organization comes with a large slice of humble pie. BioNex isn’t going anywhere. I have to convince others to hop on board with my line of thinking. I’m only glad I never said things with my whole chest that would undermine me now. Dad definitely has his opinions on people having relationships with androids, but I never spoke against those relationships on social media or judged people like Lucy Warren or Rebecca Schroeder. I’ll admit I wondered what went so wrong that they chose an android over a human.
But who am I kidding? With the dating scene how it is nowadays—dating apps, dick pics, men and women talking up fifty people at a time just trying to find one person they can stomach for longer than a quick romp in the sack—I can see the appeal of bionic men. Beyond that, the more time I’ve spent in Ezra’s presence, the more I realize how unique he is, and how I’ve never met anyone organic like him.
What’s more, it’s hard to ignore this feeling of being intertwined with him in more ways than a solitary secret evening of weakness that we shared. I’m not really one to believe in fate, but Ezra has appeared and reappeared in my life several times. Is it wrong that I’m sitting here trying to think of something, anything, to make him a part of my future too?
What would I say to him?Hey, by the way, can we talk about the way you made me scream the other night?No way arethose words coming out of my mouth. Making a fool of myself in front of him isn’t on my to-do list in any shape or form. Besides, if he wanted to talk about it, he could’ve brought it up himself, and I’m not sure he wants to.
After all, he’s staying in New Carnegie. My dream is to leave the States. What can I offer him that he wants? He can have anyone he wants, really, with his intelligence, his looks, his strength.
I risk a glance over to the driver’s seat. Ezra’s gaze is on the road. He’s driving his cruiser manually with one hand resting on the wheel. He seems fairly at ease. Maybe he’s relieved this is all over and things can get back to normal for him. I envy that.
I’m not sure anything will ever feel normal to me again. Not because of the assassination attempt on my dad or the bombings. They’re all an awful reminder that there’s no coming back from this, the world we’ve created.
No. Things won’t go back to normal for me because I don’t like the direction Humanity First has taken:No droids. Shut them down. I don’t want to shut them down. Androids don’t deserve it. They never have. It’s like a parent getting angry at a child for existing when the child didn’t ask to be born. It’s lunacy. It doesn’t resonate with me.
How much did I believe in the tenants of my father’s movement to begin with? Was I blinded by loyalty? It doesn’t matter. I can’t support that mindset anymore.
This damn rain.It drizzles against the windshield, the windows. When was the last time I saw the sun? Everything’s so dreary, and it only contributes to the lowering of my mood. I should be happy I’m free to move around again, that I can move into my new place and focus on the things that matter to me. Instead, I’m forlorn.
I can’t bear the silence anymore. “Are you looking forward to getting back to your family?” I ask softly.
Ezra’s hand tenses on the wheel. “Yes. I’ve been gone a long time.” He sighs. “At least, it’ll seem like a long time to Deion’s children. But there’s still so much work to do, and I won’t be able to rest until TerraPura is taken down completely.”
I try to imagine Ezra with children. It’s hard to picture. He’s so serious most of the time. But part of me wishes I could witness him playing with little ones, seeing the burdens of his job fall away to allow him to enjoy the small things.
“They must really love you. The kids, I mean.”
“They do.” The corner of Ezra’s mouth turns up, and he chuckles. “I miss them.”
“I’m sure they miss you too,” I reply.I’ll miss you.That’s what I want to say. But I’m not sure how much good it will do either of us, if I utter such an intimate thing aloud.
He parks the cruiser outside my apartment complex and steps out after turning the engine off. When I get out, I’m surprised to find Ezra waiting for me with an umbrella to keep me dry.
His white irises glow softly. “Come on.” His tone is gentle, as though he senses there’s something amiss with me. Maybe I’m imagining it, but something seems off with him too. He’s always in control, but this is different. It’s almost like resignation. “I’ll walk you to your door.”
He shakes off the water droplets from the umbrella once we’re in the stairwell and remains by my side through the entryway scanning terminal. The new android security measures don’t go off when he passes the gates, but there’s a little beep, and a holo-projection of a badge hovers over the confirmation screen.
