Page 78 of Ezra
“That’s right. He’s never forgiven Schroeder for writing him out of every narrative, even though it was Dad who walked away.”
Ezra motions through the air with a finger, like he’s trying to put things in order in his head, lifting a brow. “But you wanted me to meet them?”
“Well, no. I mean, I would have, eventually, if we were seriously involved,” I admit, taking another drink. “But we’re not. So you don’t have to worry.”
There’s no sting in my voice, but with how Ezra’s body tenses briefly at my words, you’d think I’d just thrown an insult.
“I was never worried about meeting them,” Ezra replies. After a moment, he seems to unwind with a long, low sigh. “Kat, I don’t like the way we left things.”
“Neither do I, but we’ve been over this. I don’t know if I have it in me to rehash it all again.”
“I’m not here to rehash anything. I’m here to tell you that when it comes to you, all standard procedure, all reason and logic, all programming takes a nose dive out the window.”
“Uh-huh,” I say cautiously as I set my wine glass on the coffee table. “Say more things like that.”
“I’m not sure what else to say, except I know about the precinct fundraiser, I know you’re behind it, and I know you vouched for me, but it wasn’t just about that, was it? To see me.It’s to help others, serve others, try to get justice for the victims and their families. You have no idea how frustrating that is.”
“How frustrating it is that I’m trying to help people?” I ask slowly, puzzled.
“Yes,” Ezra replies, his tone light. “You keep giving me reasons, one after another, that make it impossible not to think about you.”
He’s got my heart beating like a drum. “It’s miserable, isn't it?”
“Excruciating,” he replies with a dry, lopsided smile.
“I wanted to put my money where my mouth is,” I reply. “I can talk all I want, but talk just makes me no better than a politician. I’d rather not become one of those. Unless there’s action, what I believe means nothing. I have a lot to prove. To you. To the people who identify as pro-bionic. To normal everyday people that Humanity First isn’t a hive mind of violent killers, like TerraPura.”
“That’s why you want me there with Nolan and the Belmont County fire department.”
“Yes,” I say. “People have forgotten how to talk. When communication stops, violence spreads.”
“I know,” Ezra says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “But I didn’t come here to talk about the charity. I came here to talk about you. About us.”
“I’m listening,” I say, tentative, not daring to hope.
“This morning, I saw the hurt in your eyes before you walked away. I want you to understand how it feels for me—how difficult it is to tell you no, how different you are. How my systems respond to you,” Ezra says, gazing at me. “You want the truth?”
“Obviously, I do. I always did.”
“Then here it is.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I think about you all the time. I want to talk to you, get to know you, be around you. The other night, every system in my body achedto see you again. I browsed through your PhotoGram just to see your face, and I saw the comments from men complimenting you, drooling over you. I shouldn’t care. I tried to imagine you entertaining any of them, going out on dates, forgetting about me. It twisted my circuits up so bad I had to calm down and do a reboot.”
“Wait, are you serious?” My jaw slackens a little. “A reboot?”
He looks somewhere between embarrassed and resolute. “That’s what I’m telling you. You affect my programming with one word, one look. To think of you being with anyone else...I can’t stand it.”
My face could probably heat the entire apartment complex at this point, but I do what I can to remember to breathe.
“I’m not with anybody,” I reassure him. “You know that, right?”
“I know. But that knowledge did nothing to soothe my circuits at the time.”
It’s cute he’s a little of the jealous type. With every word, he’s banishing any and all doubts I had about the way he felt. I look up at him. “Ezra, you’ve been something out of a fairy tale from the moment I set eyes on you, before your activation. And you’ve challenged me since the moment I really met you. I needed it. More than needed it—I’ve wanted it this entire time, and I’ve never been able to reallyfindit until now.”
Ezra regards me quietly a moment before he rises from the sofa and heads to the long windows. Windows seem to be his favorite thinking spot for as little time as I’ve known him. He folds his arms, then turns to me. “I’ve never had much luck when it comes to romance. Women before you don’t understand me, or the confines of my job. When I look back on them, they were hook-ups. Nothing more. The more I think about it, I think being with me was more of an experiment.”
I hesitate. “I hope I’ve never made you feel that way.”
“No. You haven’t. You are different from all the rest,” he insists. “I’m looking for something too. More than all of that. Every woman before you liked me well enough to fuck around with me until they figured out I don’t get a salary. I can’t buy them nice things, or surprise them with flowers. I can’t have my name on a house, or an apartment lease. The novelty of being with me wore off when that sank in. When they realized all they’d get is me, they show their true colors quickly. It’s whyIusually break things off. Not them. Fun is all well and good, but I’ve got nothing to offer except myself. I’m not here to play games. Not when I’m going to be around...” His voice falters, lowering. “For averylong time.”
