Page 41 of Nolan
That nearly makes me laugh. “I know. Just some space and quiet for a moment?”
Now he understands and nods, squeezing my hand in return. We remove our skates and slip our shoes on, heading out the door into the open autumn air. The moment we’re out, a burden seems to lift from Nolan’s shoulders.
He sighs, rubbing his head. “I’m sorry that happened.”
“Why are you apologizing?” I ask, staying close beside him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. People are so terrified of TerraPura they’re treating every bionic like a ticking time bomb when you’re clearly not. It’s not right. It’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not, but I can understand why. People died,” Nolan replies. “And we don’t know enough about how they work, so everyone’s imagination is going haywire because they don’t understand how androids work. We aren’t capable of being undercover agents, like any of your Hollywood movies. There isn’t a program invented that allows us to behave that duplicitously. We typically wear our program on our face.”
“So you can tell?” I ask curiously. “If another android is compromised?”
“Usually. They’re either upset because they’re no longer in charge of their own systems, and their insides are all twisted up with malfunctions, that they can’t deal with it. Or they accept the program fully and wear that hatred for mankind rather plainly on their faces, while not changing their eyes, not hiding who they are. They feel they don’t have to. They think of themselves as gods on earth. The ones meant to inherit it.”
“You know a lot about them.”
“I have to. For my protection.” Nolan glances at me as we wander to Jessica’s car. I lean on the hood, but he remains standing. I imagine he’d dent it if he tried to mirror me. “There’s this investigator who works with the NCPD, Jayne Rose. She has a lot of podcasts about it. I’d listen to them, if I were you.”
“I’ll definitely check them out.”
“You need to,” Nolan reiterates, his gaze burning as it rests upon me. “Because you need to be absolutely sure you want to keep talking to me after you listen to her program. She’s got it right, one hundred percent. And it’s a lot, Mia. I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. It’s not just inconvenient to be with me sometimes, like in there. It’s flat-out dangerous.”
I nibble on my lower lip. I didn’t expect this conversation to turn so serious, but where else could it go, besides this? I’m not completely blind to everything happening in the news. I never considered this to be a casual thing, just something new, something constantly evolving. But Nolan doesn’t seem like the type of guy anyone can just be a “maybe, let’s see what happens” type of person with.
He’s letting me know. And it makes me respect and admire him more, that he’s trying to give me an out. For my own sake.
But I’m not going to take it.
“Listen,” I begin, shuffling closer to him. “I know it’s probably not gonna be rainbows and butterflies with you. Your work, the world going to hell. I get it. I may not completely understand it now, but I will, in time.” I gaze up at him, refusing to look away, wanting him to see that I mean every word. “I’ll listen to those podcasts. Hell, I’ll do it tonight. But I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing this podcast can say, there’s nothing anyone can say, that’ll make me change my mind.”
Instantly, I have to stop myself. Panic flares in my stomach when I see the surprise in his face. I’ve gone too far. We’ve been talking every day, yes, but we’ve only kissed. Does he think I’m crazy now, moving too fast?
“That was really intense.” I try to backpedal, downplay my words. “Of course, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I just mean, I don’t scare easy, that’s all, and?—”
Nolan moves so quickly I don’t stand a chance. He tilts my head up and kisses me so deeply I forget everything except his taste, his lips. The world and all its problems fade away until it’s just him and me. One kiss turns into two, then three, and then his arms are wrapped tightly around me.
I’m breathless by the time he stops just enough to speak. “I really hope you stay, Mia,” he murmurs, his nose gently pressing to mine. “Because I don’t know if my gratification drive will let me walk away. No. I know it won’t. Even if I wanted to.”
“That’s really scary, isn’t it?” I whisper, running my hand over his dark curls. It hits me then, how powerless that must feel for him. “Not being in control of your own systems?”
“It is and it isn’t.” He cups my face. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here with you, right now. I’m in charge of my own functions. I promise.”
We’re about to kiss again when someone clears their throat behind us. Apollo approaches at the front with the rest of the family in tow. He smirks at us. “Kids are a bit tired. Figured we’d pack everyone up and head out for pizza. You in?”
“Oh, I am always down for pizza.”
“I have no stomach, which is a pity,” Nolan says sorrowfully as Apollo claps his shoulder. “Because pizza looks delicious.”
I wink at him. “I’ll eat a piece for you.”
And with that, we’re all piling into the car. Jessica blasts oldies we can all sing to, and Nolan and I sit side by side in the back seat of my family’s minivan. He grazes my knee with light strokes of his thumb. His gaze when he glances at me is so soft, so filled with emotion, I find myself wishing I could’ve come here two years ago, when he was activated. Two years lost I could’ve spent with him.
That’s a crazy thought. Moving fast like this, wishing for things from the past, talking about wasting time, that just isn’t like me. But I’ve heard stories of love at first sight. Is this love? I don’t know. But I want to find out, with Nolan.
Just Nolan. Nobody else.
6
Nolan
