Page 28 of Nolan
What if my purpose is Mia? What if it was always meant to be her?
I was worried before; confused and disoriented by the way my gratification drive was acting.
Now I’m surrendering to it.
I think of Apollo. Instead of dreading a conversation with him, I try to look at it from a positive angle. Mia said she would speak with him. I believe her. What if everything goes right instead of wrong? He knows me. He knows I’m not a dumbass. I’m not the type to behave like the others if they caught a glimpse of Mia. I’d never to do anything to hurt her. To hurt him.
If I want this to work the way I hope it does, I need the opportunity to speak to him too. I’ll give Mia time. But after that, it’s my turn. Man to man.
After all we’ve been through together, Apollo and I are owed that.
With images of Mia rotating through my memory banks, the closest I can come to nearly dreaming, I get situated, standing in my favorite corner, and slowly power down into standby.
Mia
I know I have to talk with Apollo. The longer I put it off, the harder it’s going to be for Nolan.
After that earth-shattering kiss, there’s no way I’m letting this go. I absolutely have to see where it leads. But I know we can’t do that comfortably, fully, if we’re being secretive instead of discreet.
The question is, how?
I’m not sure when the animosity started, when I reflect on it as I lie in my bed early on Monday morning. We were happy children, and we got along just fine, until the end of my time in middle school. Then Apollo started changing. It was slow, unnoticeable at first. But as time passed, he grew more distant. He no longer cared about spending time with me. I would ask him to play video games or to go for a walk, and he’d sneer and tell me to go away, or that he was going to be busy with his friends.
I could deal with that. Just typical, teenage dickhead energy, right? I’m sure every little sister everywhere dealt with their older brother going through that at some point. But then some of his friends on the lacrosse team thought it would be funny to sneak into the art room, where my year-long project—a dress I’d designed, measured, and painstakingly sewn together—was resting on its mannequin.
They dumped paint all over it. And recorded it, so that it could be passed around the school as some kind of senior prank.
Apollo got mad, but not at them. He got mad at me for bringing Mom and Dad into it, for causing an investigation that got his teammates suspended from an important game. Why couldn’t you have just let me handle it? I could’ve dealt with them myself!
After that we didn’t talk much. I couldn’t deal with the fact he didn’t have my back. But we were kids. Clearly after meeting Jessica, something changed. I wished I’d gotten that experience of him being protective, of caring how I felt, how I know some brothers are. I didn’t.
But now, who knows? Maybe we can. Maybe.
I push thoughts of him to the side as I get up and stretch. Nolan and I spent Friday night together at the park. His presence, his voice, his messages are a kind of addiction I didn’t know I could have. I hung on his every text this weekend like he lassoed the moon in the sky for me. The pulse of excitement every time his name fed through my earbud while I was attached to my computer in my room was a high I couldn’t help but keep feeding.
Cyber Street doesn’t open until ten, so I have some time. I notice Jessica and Apollo’s bedroom door is open already, and the light is on. She’s always an early bird, never one to sleep in, and by the quietness in the house, I know her mom has already taken the children for their early morning walk to the nearby preschool.
“Good morning,” I call by the threshold, just in case she left the door open by accident and is changing or something. When I don’t hear an answer, I poke my head through and look around. Their room has a lived-in look, with some of my brother’s clothes and socks littering the ground. The bed isn’t made yet, and a ceiling fan lazily spins overhead.
That’s when I hear a loud gag from the bathroom. It takes a moment to register, but then it hits me.
“Jessica?” I wander through their room and into the master bathroom. The toilet is in its own water closet, the door ajar. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fi—” she begins to say, but then it’s clear she’s not fine as she retches again. I wrinkle my nose and step back. I wonder if she has some kind of stomach bug. I don’t want to get sick too.
“Do you want me to get you some water or something?” I ask worriedly, not sure how to help in this case. “Some meds?”
Jessica sniffles, her voice less than enthused. “Meds won’t help. It’s morning sickness.”
Stunned, I stand there speechless for a few moments before gathering my wits about me. “So you’re pregnant?”
“Yep, about ten weeks along. Found out at a doctor’s appointment the day before you flew in. And I’ve had nausea every morning. Some days worse than others, like yesterday.”
“Does Apollo know?”
“Not yet.” Jessica flushes the toilet then steps out. I give her space as she swiftly brushes her teeth and washes her face. “We didn’t plan for this one. So I’m not sure how he’s going to react, but I guess we’ll find out.”
“I think it’s amazing, Jess. I’m so excited for you!” I tell her. “Please, let me know if you need anything.” I can’t help but smile. Another niece or nephew on the way? Their kids are so cute. I’ve never really wanted kids for myself, but it’d be nice to hold a baby again. I haven’t done that in a while.
