Page 25 of Damaged Prince
Something he might not know about me is that even if I hate not having what I crave right away, I’d wait a lifetime if it meant I only get to have a taste once before it’s gone again.
And for him, I’d wait a few lifetimes more.
Sorry, Elijah Cross. I’m a man who craves self-indulgence, and you’ve just become my new addiction.
Chapter 6
Elijah
I’m exhausted. I knew when my boss called me this morning that he wasn’t too happy.
If I wanted any chance of getting time off to go on that trip with Laney and Kai, I knew I had to say yes to whatever he asked of me tonight.
Any other time, I’d have no issue getting called into work on my day off, but spending time with Laney and Kai wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
The moment I saw Kai sitting at the table waiting, with his broad shoulders snug in his black dress shirt and his long hair down in waves over his shoulder, I was taken aback.
Seeing him at my house for Thanksgiving was a surprise I both hated and craved it.
Finding out he is the other guy Delaney is seeing hasn’t been something I’ve been dealing with very well.
I’ve only seen him a few times since he moved back to town, and each time I do, he literally takes my breath away.
He was someone from my past, and he was supposed to stay there. He hasn’t been back for holidays over the past year, and I thought after our falling out, he wouldn’t want to.
Now he’s in a relationship with the very girl I want. How is this going to work? How can I be around him and not freak out? He knows about me, about my past. He knows every dirty little secret because, at the time, I thought I was talking to a stranger.
A few years ago, when I was at my lowest, questioning everything about my life, about my sexuality, and thinking I was some broken fucked up man who can never be fixed, I joined a dating site.
It wasn’t meant to be anything serious, just some stupid idea I came up with in hopes of maybe getting some answers.
At that point in my life, I was never physically attracted to anyone. Never had a crush on a guy or a girl.
For the longest time, I thought it was just trauma because of what happened to me when I was younger, and as time went on, I’d grow out of it.
But by the time I turned eighteen and went to the high school prom alone because I was the only single guy, despite having many offers, I knew something wasn’t right.
I tried porn sites, looking for something, anything, that would spark something inside me. But nothing did. Not the photos, videos, sounds. Nothing.
After going down a rabbit hole on the internet, reading countless articles, threads, and anything I could get my hands on, I started to come to terms that I’m demisexual.
Craving that affection I had no chance of getting in real life, I downloaded a queer dating app in hopes that I could connect with someone I could spend my time with.
It was a game-changer. I ended up talking to a ton of people who were just like me, who understood what I was going through.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I was uncomfortably broken. But while I figured out one part of my life, I knew I still had so many things going I needed to work on inside my head.
None of the people I talked to brought out any romantic feelings despite taking the time to get to know them. And while it sucked, I liked the fact that I had friends.
Then one day, I came home from school to a DM from a guy named Micah. There weren't any photos of him, just one he took of some stunning mountains. His profile was filled with scenic photos. The beauty of them is what made me message him back.I asked if he took the photos himself, and he responded back with yes.
And from there we started talking. Small questions that grew into conversations, and before I knew it, he was a part of my everyday life.
I’d find myself checking my phone multiple times an hour just to see if he messaged me back.
He easily became one of the most important people in my life, and I didn’t even know this man‘s real name.
But that’s what made it so easy for me to open up; I didn’t know him in the real world. I could spill my truth, and if he couldn’t handle it, I could delete the app and move on with my life.
