Page 8 of Damaged Prince
Turning my car off, I lean back in my seat and stare up at the house, unable to bring myself to go inside.
Grabbing my phone, I pull up Winter’s contact and see that she texted me a few minutes ago, letting me know they’re all home, beating me back here by only five minutes.
My eyes scan the house just as a light in Laney’s room flicks on, filling me with this strong urge to run up there and spill everything, all my deepest darkest secrets. Then I would get on my knees and beg her to still want me and all my fucked up edges.
I sound pathetic right now. I’m clearly spiralling, but I don’t know how to stop.
Texting Winter back, I tell her to come outside right now. This isn’t a conversation I want Laney to overhear, and I don’t want to head inside until my best friend helps talk me off the edge of this cliff.
A few minutes later, Winter steps out onto the front steps. She looks around for me and when she sees my car, she runs towards me. Opening the passenger door, she gets in.
“I am so sorry.” Is the first thing she says, her wide, guilty eyes meeting mine as soon as the door has fully closed. “So, so sorry!”
“You didn’t think to give me a heads up, Winter? What the fuck!” I growl in frustration, turning in my seat to glare at her
“Hey, don’t talk to me like that.” She frowns. “I didn’t know what club we were going to until we pulled up to the front of the building and I saw the name of it. And before you start getting all pissy with me, Idid tryto warn you, thank you very much.” She glares at me. “I tried to text, like a bunch of times, and callyou a few times too. But you weren't responding, and my calls were going straight to voicemail. Your phone must have been on silent, or I assume you were already getting ready for work. Anyways, I panicked, okay? I didn’t expect you to be the first one up.” She throws her hands up. “But don’t worry, I left the club before I saw your dick if you're at all worried about that. Because, eww.” She makes a face. “I mean, I’m sure you’ve got a nice dick and all, but I don’t want to see it. You're like my brother.” She shudders, and I don’t know if I should be amused or offended. “And not in the same way you are with Laney, because I don’t want to fuck you.”
“Winter.” I put my hand over her mouth, stopping her ramble.
“Sorry,” she groans against the palm of my hand before I remove it. “I really am.” She sighs in defeat.
“I know,” I mutter, turning in my seat to face the front.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back against the headrest. “What do I do now, Winter?”
“I know you're afraid of what Delaney is going to think, but babe, you and I both know there’s not a judgmental bone in that girl's body. I truly don’t think she would see you any differently.”
Heavy, sorrowful eyes swing her way, the memory of my past taking up the forefront of my mind. “I want to believe you, Winny, I really do. But how do you tell the girl you're falling in love with, that you were sexually assaulted as a child?” Emotion clogs my throat as I struggle to speak through the raw feeling.
I really hate the pitying look in Winter’s eyes, but I can’t blame her. She’s the only one on this earth who knows what I went through, experienced some of that pain with me. She was there when I felt like the world was crashing down around me. The one that I could run to, who never judged me, despite knowing all the fucked up details.
She swallows hard, trapping my hand between both of hers, and gives it a comforting squeeze. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You are not to blame. They are,” she hisses, anger morphing her pretty face. “They took enough from you as it is, Eli. Don’t let them take her from you, too. You deserve Delaney. And I know when you tell her about your past, it’s not going to change how she sees you.”
“What if she wants me to tell my dad, my brothers?” I shake my head. “I don’t care if they know about me being a stripper; that's nothing compared to the real truth. That, I can live with, but my past? I can’t put them through that. My dad will never forgive himself, my brothers will never look at me the same.”
“Eli, Delaney won’t make you do anything you're not comfortable doing. I know she wouldn’t. She’s not like that and would respect your wishes. But I do think she needs to know. It's a big part of your past that you’ve been holding in for far too long. It will eat at you if you have to continue to lie to her.”
“Why did she have to come tonight?” I close my eyes, both my mind and body exhausted. “If she didn’t, then she wouldn’t have known about my job, and wouldn’t ask questions that I don’t want to give answers for.”
“And what? You planned on lying about your job? Why you’re out at odd hours of the night, coming home early in the morning?”
“No,” I groan, taking my hand back to scrub at my face in frustration. “I don’t know.”
“Would you quit?”
“My job?” I look at her, shaking my head. “Not unless she asks me to. You know why I love my job.”
“I do.” She nods. “And I accept it. I support you, E. I love you. And I’ll always be there for you. But I can tell you now, starting off a relationship with so many underlying lies isn’t the way to go. Look at my parents.” She laughs hollowly, and my hearthurts for her. I know all about the things she's had to deal with regarding her parents, and it kills me. “All they do is lie to one another. At this point, I don’t even know what's real or not. Don’t be like that. No matter how hard you think the truth will be, it’s worth the risk rather than the pain a web of lies will cause.”
“I’ll tell her,” I whisper. “I just don’t think I can right now. I need time to think.”
“Take that time. Just don’t wait forever.” Winter cups my face, brushing my cheek with her thumb. “I know she’s willing to wait.”
A choked sob gets caught in my throat as I squeeze my eyes shut, holding her hand to my face, needing her comforting touch as I try not to spiral deeper into my mind.
I’m so tired of feeling alone. So tired of running from my past. When everything happened, I was just a scared little boy who believed the threats of his abusers. Now, I’ve just grown so used to burying everything down. If I don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist. The only issue with that is during the day, that works. At night? Yeah, not so much.
When I’m with Laney, all the noise in my head is quiet. The ghost of their touch is gone, replaced by her warm embrace.
