Page 63 of The Way I Used to Be
“Like what?” my voice echoes on some kind of delay. He takes one last deep drag, letting it nearly burn down to his fingers before he throws it out the window.
“Pretty like that,” he says, looking up at me, his eyes wanting to close.
I feel my mouth smile at him. Then I lean over slowly, everything moving slowly, and kiss him. His hands gently touch my face, in a way that makes me think too much of Josh. It seems like we kiss and kiss, forever. He does it softly, slow like honey, nothing like that brother of his. He whispers, “I hope I can remember this,” and then we both start laughing and laughing.
The next thing I know, a soft dim light wants my eyes to open. The next thing I know, I feel movement all around me. And someone takes my shoes off. Someone pulls my arms out of my coat. Footsteps surround me. I open my eyes. I’m looking up at my bedroom ceiling; my desk lamp casts a warm golden glow over everything.
My eyes close again. Then I see a flash of me parking Mara’s car in her driveway. Me trudging through the snow in the dark. Me putting my key in the door. The TV in the living room flashing.
They open again. Caelin stands over me.
“Caelin?” I hear myself mumble.
“You’re fine,” he tells me. “You reek of weed, Edy,” he whispers, his hands firmly planted on his hips.
“Why am I in my bed?” I ask him, pushing the blankets off. “I don’t wanna be in my bed.”
“Shhh,” he says, jerking the covers back up. “I don’t even want to know how you got home or where you were or who you were with or what the fuck you were doing!” he whisper-shouts over me.
“Stop,” I tell him, covering my ears. At least, I think I say the word.
“You walked in the door and passed out, Edy! Mom and Dad don’t know. They’re in bed already.”
“Go away,” I moan.
“Sleep it off.”
Then dark.
“HEY, MARA,” CAMERON SAYS, walking up to our table in the library. He glances at me as he sits down. I have my headphones in, so he doesn’t bother speaking to me. I nod at him, though, and turn the volume down all the way so I can listen in on their muffled whispers. I absently thumb the pages of an enormous SAT study guide that Miss Sullivan brought over when she saw that I was reading a magazine instead of studying. Ever since we got back from winter break, it’s been SAT fever around here. Suddenly everyone’s deadly serious and slamming energy drinks and overthinking the importance of their entire lives.
“Hey!” she responds, smiling with her entire body.
“What are you doing? Studying?” he asks.
“Trying to, anyway.” She sighs, her head falling into her hands. “This is evil!” She lets the pages of the book fan over, losing her spot.
“Well, why don’t we study together?” he asks. “What are you doing tomorrow night? Steve’s coming over, we’re just gonna be studying. You should come over too. It’ll be like a study group. Moral support, you know?” He laughs. “She can even come if she wants,” he adds, gesturing to me. I turn another page.
“Oh, thanks for offering. But I have plans tomorrow night. We both do. Or probably, anyway. I’m going to a party with this guy Alex I’m seeing, so...” She makes a point of referring to him as “this guy Alex I’m seeing” whenever she talks about him to Cameron. And he cringes more noticeably with every mention of his name. She knows exactly what she’s doing, just like I know what I’m doing. Most of the time, anyway.
I glance up. Cameron’s just gazing into Mara’s eyes, not saying anything.
“What?” she asks innocently.
“Let me know when you get sick of that.” He lays his hand on her shoulder for just a moment as he stands. And then he walks away. Mara turns around in her seat and watches him leave.
I take my headphones off just as she turns back to face me, her eyes wide. “Oh my God,” she whispers, reaching across the table to grab both my arms. “What just happened? Did you get all that?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“What am I supposed to do? Should I follow him? Is he mad at me?” she asks, talking fast. “Should I go after him?”
“No, you’re not supposed to follow him. And he’s not mad. He’s jealous.” I smile. “Congratulations.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, her face blank.
“Come on, wasn’t this the whole point of Alex?” I close the book—this conversation is definitely going to take up the rest of the period, if not the rest of our lives. “To make Cameron jealous?”
