Page 47 of The Way I Am Now
And your book club thing
I reread that text so many times, even had Mara analyze it. She was pretty sure he was flirting with me, but I’m still not convinced. I did, however, apply for the job, and after a five-minute phone interview, I got it. Twelve hours per week. I’d still have to find something else, but this would be a good start.
GPS says I’m only two minutes away now. I pull over several blocks from the building, swish some lukewarm bottled water around my mouth, and pop a breath mint. I am rummaging in my purse when my hand makes contact with one of my now three prescription bottles. One for depression, one for sleeping, and one for when I’m actively having a panic attack. I consider taking another one, just to take the edge off. But instead, I apply a little lip gloss, pulling my windblown nest of hair back into a slightly less messy bun. Just in case. Of what exactly, I don’t know.
JOSH
I could barely sleep last night. I’m sitting with Parker on the roof of our building, drinking coffee, even though I’ve already had way too much caffeine today.
“Your leg bouncing is about to drive me crazy,” Parker tells me. “Do I need to cut you off?” she asks, gesturing to the mug trembling in my hand. I set it down, and the coffee sloshes over the side onto the table. I check my phone. Again.
“She should be here any minute.”
“Can I just ask,” Parker says, peering over the rim of her coffee mug at me, “is this weird nervous thing you’re doing anxiety or excitement?”
I’m not sure what to say because I really can’t distinguish between those two emotions right now.
“Because I’m getting some red flag vibes off you,” Parker continues, but I’m too busy staring at Eden’s last message, and Parker’s voice drifts to the background of my thoughts.
“Josh!” she shouts, snapping her fingers in my face.
“Sorry, what?”
“She’s, like,cool, right?” she finally asks. “I’m gonna be living with this person, and your weirdness is giving me doubts!”
“No, she’s great, really. It’s me. I’m just not . . .”
“Cool?”
“Funny.” I force a smile. “No, it’s just that we kinda left things unclear. About what we are. The lines between friendship and something more are just very blurred right now, and I don’t know what to expect.”
“Well, what do you want it to be?”
I shrug, wishing I could say with certainty that friendship would be enough. “I mean, I’ll take whatever she gives me.”
“Great, that sounds healthy. No drama there at all.”
“Okay, obviously, I want more.”
She just keeps staring at me, a smirk stretching across her face. “You” is all she says.
“Me, what?”
“You. . .” She stands up and points her finger at me. “Better not cause drama withmyroommate. Because then that means there’s drama withme.” Now she points at herself. “And I don’t do drama.”
“I don’t either.”
“Uh-huh.” She does not sound convinced.
My phone dings. “She’s here.”
I jog down the first flight of stairs, Parker calling behind me, “Run, Josh-wah, run!” Quoting the movie we watched in our American History course, where we were randomly paired to work on a presentation together. It took me a full year before I understood that she didn’t actually hate me. She likes to tease and poke and jab.
And as I knock on my door, stick my head in—“D, she’s here!”—I wonder if I’ve made the best call in setting her up with Parker. Underneath, I know she’s a nice person, but she can have such a gruff exterior sometimes.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” Dominic yells as I close the door.
I stop and wait for Parker to catch up.
