Page 75 of The Way I Am Now
Downstairs, Parker is in the kitchen, stretching, with her earbuds still in—she’s already been out for a run this morning— drinking one of her healthy green smoothies, looking all glowy and vibrant, compared to me. Dull and exhausted in yesterday’s makeup and messy hair, the zipper of my dress inching down my back with every move I make.
She pulls her earbuds out and laughs when she sees me. “Hey, roomie,” she says. “I see you’re embracing that stride of pride this morning.”
“The what?” I mumble, setting my purse down on the counter and letting my shoes clatter to the floor.
“You know, the trek of triumph, the sultry saunter, the booty-call boun—”
“Are you just making these up right now?” I ask with a laugh.
“You need to get your nose out of the so-called importantlit-tra-ture,” she says, in what I think is supposed to be a British accent. “Pick up a magazine every once in a while, woman.”
“For your information,” I tell her as I pour myself some water from the fridge. “We had a very nice snuggle sesh last night.”
“Snuggles, sure,” she says, lunging forward into a stretch. “You want a smoothie?”
“Ugh, gross. No. I’ll get some coffee at work.”
“Ah, yes. Coffee and no food, the breakfast of champions.”
I open the cabinet and pull out a granola bar. “Happy?”
She brings one arm across her chest and then the other, saying, “I guess.”
“Do you need to get in there?” I ask, gesturing to the bathroom. “I have to get ready.”
“All yours,” she says as she starts to jog off toward her bedroom. “I’m about to hit the pool anyway.”
“Hey, Parker, um, can I . . . ?” I start, not really knowing how to finish.
Turning around, hands poised near her head, about to put her earbuds back in, she looks at me. “What?”
“It’s not a big deal or anything, but I wanted to tell you I’m going to be gone for a few days next week. I just have to go home for something.”
“Oh.” She lets her hands drop and takes a step toward me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s just—” I could tell her. Right now I could tell her the truth, but something stops me, like always. “Everything’s fine, I’m just letting you know.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” I nod and smile and start pulling back the wrapper of my granola bar. She watches me for a few seconds, until I take a bite and chew and swallow. “Really, that’s all.”
“Okay,” she says slowly, then finally turns to go into her room.
I eat the rest of my granola bar and get into the shower. By the time I get out, Parker’s gone and I’ve worked myself up into a panic just thinking about what’s going to happen this week. My heart is racing and I’m breathing heavy. I walk into the kitchen in a towel, dripping water everywhere, dumping the contents of my entire purse out onto the counter so I can find my pills. I take two. I don’t have time for a fucking anxiety attack right now.
I clock in at 12:02, and Captain Douchebag is standing there at the lockers, waiting to tell me that this is the third time I’ve been late and that I should consider this my verbal warning.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t be sorry,” he snaps at me. “Just get here on time. It’s not that hard.”
He walks away, and as I’m putting my things in my locker, pulling out my apron to tie around my waist, I realize one of the cooks, Perry, has just caught me rolling my eyes at our manager. But he just nods and laughs silently, thankfully understanding. I sort of shrug and smile in return.
Halfway through my shift, at four o’clock, there’s a girl in line, a little older than me. She’s staring at me. When it’s her turn, she steps up to the counter and smiles in this strange way. Like I should know her, but I don’t.
“Hi,” she says hesitantly, eyes flashing down to read my name tag. “Eden.”
I smile back. “What can I get started for you?”
