Page 82 of The Way I Am Now
“Thank you. Nothing further.”
I let myself exhale. I let myself think maybe I was doing okay. But then his lawyer stands up, buttons his jacket, and smiles at me, just like Kevin had smiled at me that night, in between shoving his tongue in my mouth and putting his boxers on—I had forgotten to say that.He kissed me, smiled at me, and then he got up. Too late.
“Good afternoon, Eden,” he begins, pretending to be a human being. “I’ll keep this brief; I just have a few questions.
“How long have you known Kevin?”
“Since I was like seven or eight. That was when my brother became friends with him.”
“And didn’t you have a crush on him?”
“What?”
“A crush.” He shrugs. “You know, a playful infatuation.”
“Maybe when I was younger, but that doesn’t mean—”
“Just yes or no.”
The thing about a crush is that you have them because, on some level, it’s unattainable, and if you’re being honest with yourself, you wouldn’t really want it anyway even if you could have it. But all there’s room to say here is “Yes.”
“And that night, you said you wanted to play a game with Kevin. Monopoly, right?”
I didn’t say I wanted to play a game with him—it was his idea. When had I said that? Did I say that today? I can’t remember. But wait, why is this even important?
“Eden, can you answer the question?”
“We played Monopoly.”
“The board game?”
Of course the fucking board game. I look at the DA, are these serious questions? I thought we’d be sticking to what I said in the police report.
“Eden?”
“Yes, the board game Monopoly.”
“And that night when you were playing, didn’t you tell Kevin that you wanted a boyfriend?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you did ask if Kevin had a girlfriend, right?”
I shake my head. Where is this coming from?
“I don’t—” I close my eyes, try to remember. “No. No, we were talking about my brother having a girlfriend. He was on the phone with her and that’s why it was just me and Kevin. He was the one who got the game out,” I add, remembering more clearly now. “Monopoly.”
“Right, and then you asked if Kevin had a girlfriend.”
“Maybe I—”
“Yes or no.”
“Y-yes.”
“You said earlier that you were fourteen at the time?”
“Yes.”
