Page 91 of The Way I Am Now
I clench my jaw shut so I don’t say it:No.
“Huh?” he yells. “Well, do you?”
“Yes,” I lie.
“Then screw your damn head on right, get your priorities straight!” he shouts, the veins in his neck throbbing. “You’re on thin ice—paper thin. One more incident, you’re suspended. I don’t care how talented you are. I don’t give a shit what’s going on in your personal life. When you’re here, you don’thavea personal life!” he yells. “You understand me?”
“Yeah, I understand.”
It’s dark in Eden’s room, but I can see her lying on her bed. I’m relieved at first. She’s here, she’s safe. But the way she’s curled up in the fetal position, lying so still, gives me that full-body rush of adrenaline chill again. I feel unsteady as I walk toward her.
EDEN
I wake up to the click of my lamp being turned on. It’s dark outside my window. I hear the door latch shut, then his light footsteps behind me. The quiet swish of sneakers being removed. He doesn’t need to say a word for me to know it’s him. The sigh in his breath might as well be a fingerprint.
The bed sinks as he climbs in softly. He moves my hair and touches my waist as he eases in beside me, bending his knees into mine, fitting himself around me like a missing puzzle piece. He slowly moves his arm so that it’s resting on top of mine.
“Hey,” I breathe, pulling his arm around me tighter.
“Sorry,” he whispers, kissing the back of my neck. “I was trying not to wake you.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say, my voice still worn and raspy. “What time is it?”
“It’s, like, almost eight.”
“Mm.” I stretch out a little and clear my throat. “I’ve been asleep all afternoon.”
With his face in my hair, he breathes in and says, “God, I missed you.” He grips my sweater in handfuls, pulling me so close. There’s something about it, the way he’s holding me like he’s scared I’m going to float away, that makes me nervous.
“Josh?” I turn around to face him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He touches my face and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Nothing’s wrong,” he repeats, this sadness in his voice. “I just really missed you.”
I kiss him. “I missed you too.”
He wraps both arms around me, pressing me to his body, kissing my hair, my forehead, my cheeks.
“Wait, let me look at you.” I pull away from him enough to see him more clearly and take his face in my hands. “Aw, your beard is back.”
“Stubble,” he corrects, and finally he gives me a small but real smile.
“Okay, fine, stubble,” I repeat. “I like it.”
“College-era me, right?” he asks, the slightest laugh in his voice.
“More like sexy-era you,” I tease, though I’m really not joking at all.
He buries his face in my neck and laughs.
“I love when you get all shy.”
“Shy?” he repeats slowly, letting his head rest on my chest, like he’s trying to remember what the word means, whether it’s a good or bad thing.
“It’s very cute.”
“Okay,” he says quietly.
“Hey, are you really all right?” I ask him.
