Page 52 of The Way I Am Now
She nods as she stands, then holds her hand out to help me up. I take it, and we sort of loosely hold hands as we walk across the roof deck.
We reach my floor first.
“So, this is me,” I tell her. “Want me to walk you down to yours?”
“No, it’s all right.”
We stand in front of my door, and she moves in to hug me first, reaching up to wrap her arms around my neck. “I’m really glad you’re here,” I tell her one more time.
“So am I,” she whispers, her mouth close to my ear. “I’ve missed you.” She gives the side of my neck the smallest, faintest kiss before pulling away, leaving me with these shock waves radiating from my heart.
“Okay,” I say for absolutely no reason, probably blushing and grinning like an idiot. “Well, you know where to find me if you need me.”
She catches my hand as she moves away, giving it a tiny pulse before she lets me drift out of her grasp. “You too,” she adds, and there’s something in her tone, in her smile—is she flirting with me?God, don’t tempt me.
“Good night,” I call after her. She turns around when she reaches the end of the hall at the staircase and waves.
Inside, I can hear Dominic talking with Luke behind his bedroom door. I can still feel the press of her lips against my neck. I look at the time on my phone. It’s only eight thirty. What the fuck am I doing here? Why didn’t I just tell her that I can’t stop thinking about her, that the only thing I want to know in the world is what she’s thinking about us?For me, it’ll hold—is that what I actually said? I mean, it will. Ithas. For months, years.
I realize I’m pacing. I force my feet to stop. I go to the door, but my hand refuses to turn the knob. I should wait. I can wait. No, I can’t. I open the door and jog down the hallway, down the stairs, all the way to her door. I raise my hand to knock, but I don’t follow through. I start to head back the way I came but stop again. Go back. And now I’m essentially pacing again, but in her hallway this time.
She’s right there, I tell myself.
I go back to her door. I’m doing this.
I raise my hand and knock, too loud and fast.
There’s some shuffling on the other side of the door, and when she opens it, she looks surprised to see me standing there. Her hair is down now, sort of messy, and it just makes her look even more beautiful to me somehow.
“Hi,” she says.
I take a breath, bypass a greeting, and blurt out, “Eden, would you please go on a date with me tomorrow night?”
“A date?” she asks.
“Uh-huh. A date. With me. Tomorrow. Please.”
She looks down at her feet and smiles, and it takes everything to keep my hands in my pockets and not reach out to move her hair out of her face.
“Okay,” she agrees, finally lifting her head to look at me again.
“Okay?” I repeat.
“Okay,” she says again, and lets out this small laugh.
“Okay.” I start to back away and nearly trip over my own feet like I’m a twelve-year-old and this is the first time I’ve ever asked a girl out.
“Good night,” she says. “Again.”
“Good night again.”
She closes the door, and I’m halfway down the hall, feeling completely reenergized after this utterly exhausting day of trying to watch my every move and word and thought. But I could run a marathon right now. I pick up my pace, preparing to take the stairs two at a time, burn off some of this excitement, when I hear a door click and snap behind me.
“Josh, wait!”
I turn to see her skipping after me. When she reaches me, she stops quickly and takes a few fast, shallow breaths and stands so close, pausing for a moment before she reaches for my hands. “I just . . . um,” she starts but doesn’t finish. Instead, she lets her hands trail up the length of my arms, to my shoulders to my neck to my face, where I can feel her fingers trembling slightly against my cheek, her thumb grazing my bottom lip.
She opens her mouth and it looks like she’s going to say something else, but then she takes that tiny breath I love so much and tilts her head up to me. Her eyes search mine for my answer. I don’t think I could speak if I tried, but I nod because whatever the question, whatever she wants, my answer is always going to be yes.
