Page 65 of Fade into You
But now, days later and still no indication that this amazing connection we had isn’t all in my head, I’m starting to think maybe it’s some kind of karmic payback for Kat. For how I treated her after our last amazing kiss in my dorm room. How I couldn’t let myself go there even though I wanted to. She was so much kinder to me than I deserved after I abruptly ended things with both her and Silas, but somehow the three of us fumbled through the last weeks of the summer as friends. They stuck with me, even though my guilt over hurting them both was eating me alive and made me try so hard to pull away. They wouldn’t let me.
So, I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes. Trying not to hurt anyone ever again. Especially not Jessa, who I imagine has been hurt a lot more than she’s willing to let anyone see.
With Kayla currently not speaking to me and grounded until next weekend, I thought Project Break Up Dade-La was over, but instead Jessa has zeroed in on it, making it our sole topic ofconversation all week. Hyper-focused, she came up with a new plan on her own, which she shared today when I cornered her at our lunch spot, praying that it would be a good time to have our talk.
“Bird, tell me something…” she begins, looking at me so thoughtfully.
“Anything,” I answer, inching closer.
“Did Kayla likeTitanic?”
I don’t know what I thought she was going to say, but it definitely wasn’t that. “Yeah, who didn’t?”
“Of course you loved it,” she says, with an eye roll and then the grin that I’ve learned means she’s joking. “Well, Dadehatedit.”
“Yeah, why am I not surprised?” I mutter under my breath, and Jessa’s careful smile twitches. “Sorry. Okay, so…Titanic?”
She holds up two tickets.
“Special showing at the dollar-fifty theater, happening this Saturday, when Kayla gets off her grounding, which also happens to be when Dade was planning to sit at GameStop for the midnight release ofSoulcaliber. If sitting through that ‘abomination of a film’—his words—instead of the release of the year doesn’t show him what he’s missing out on by letting this relationship take over his entire life, I don’t know what will.”
I feel likeI’mmissing out on something.
Why won’t she talk with me?
Why won’t she touch me?
Why won’t she look at me like she’sseenme?
So manywhysabout us and still we’re talking about Dade and Kayla. I want to put this whole Operation Break Up on pause,because, god, what if we’re in the wrong, what if we’re making a huge mistake? But I’m afraid she’ll stop talking to me altogether if we don’t have this anymore.
“Okay,” I tell her, taking the tickets from her hand. I haven’t told her yet about my fight with Kayla, but this could be a good peace offering. “I can try to get them there.”
I’m sitting on the edge of my seat in my last class of the day, jacket on, bag shouldered, tickets easily accessible in the front pocket, ready to book it as soon as the bell rings. When it finally does, I’m tearing off through the halls, pushing past people so I can be there, waiting at Kayla’s locker.
I see her walking down the hall before she sees me. As soon as she does, she stops cold in her tracks, before she resumes pretending I don’t exist.
“Hear me out?” I plead.
She spins the combination right, left, right, and her locker clangs open in my face. I catch it before it hits me.
“I’m sorry, Kayla. I really am. I hate how we left things.”
She flicks her eyes to mine for a second.
“Truce?” I ask. “Please. Pretty please?”
Eye roll.
“My queen?” I try, seeing something beginning to soften behind her glare.
She narrows her eyes now, but doesn’t look away.
I clasp my hands together, just like she did with me earlier in the year, when she wanted me to spend the night. I’ll beg her. I don’t mind. “Please!” I say louder, pulling the tickets from mybag and holding them out to her. “Please, oh Kayla, queen of all queens, accept this humble peace offering.”
She can’t hide her smirk. So I throw my arms around her, pretending to sob into her neck.
“All right, all right. Please stop.”
