Page 43 of Fade into You
“It’s fine,” she answers, even though I know it’s not. “I’m fine. Just go, we’ll be out there in a minute.”
I head out to the rink and am already powering ahead, away from Dade and his stupid voice.
“Well, that didn’t take long,” I shout over the music. And when I turn to look, Jessa isn’t with me. I make a quick half turnto skate backward while I try to spot where I lost her. I search the faces of the people coming up behind me, but she’s not there. She’s way behind, and she’s standing out, not just because of her bluish hair and her Boy Scouts of America button-down shirt. Her movements are jerky and halting, and she’s not gaining much momentum as she pushes her feet. I spin back around and go faster; easier to just go all the way around to get to back to her.
I slow down as I approach from behind. Her arm flails out to the side and one foot kicks up involuntarily. She almost goes down. I get beside her just in time to grab her arm and steady her.
“Fuck!” she yells, but she’s laughing. “Remind me again why we’re here.”
“Because, as we just saw… the not-so-happy couple is already fighting.”
“Okay, well, at least it’s worth it.” She slips and catches herself quickly, shouting, “Shit!”
If I skate any slower, I’ll have come to a complete stop. “Uh, so you weren’t kidding when you said you weren’t good at this, huh?”
She lets go of my arm and shakes her head. “I said I sucked balls, and no, I wasn’t kidding.”
“Okay, you suck! There, happy?”
“You won’t say it?”
“Say what?”
She side-eyes me for a moment. “You can’t say ‘suck balls,’ can you?”
“Icould.” But I wouldn’t. I don’t know why I’m even tryingto defend myself in this ridiculous hypothetical. “If I wanted to, I could,” I argue. “But I don’t.”
She laughs and pitches forward, trips over her own skate. I hold my hand out to her but she recovers on her own. “Oh my god, you make it too easy to tease you, Bird.”
When we finally get all the way around the rink to where we left Kayla and Dade, they’re still locked into angry, serious, sad faces. “Be my eyes,” she says. “If I turn my head to look at them, I’ll fall.”
“Still upset,” I tell her. She holds her fist out, but when I bump my knuckles into hers, she tips backward, and this time she does grab my arm.
“Shit! Gah! Fucker,” she mutters before letting go. “I think I need to go hold on to the wall!”
“No, you don’t. I think you’re trying too hard to take big steps. Just try to loosen up a—”
Her scoff interrupts me. “I can’t believe I’m getting ‘loosen up’ advice from the girl who can’t say ‘suck balls.’?”
“Well, you are. And listen, ’cause I know what I’m talking about. If you bend your knees a little, it’ll help with your balance.”
She tries, but she still looks rigid and unnatural. “Everyone’s flying past me.”
“So?”
“Just leave me here.”
“I’m not leaving you here.”
“Ugh! I can’t even enjoy the music—this is my favorite Lenny Kravitz song!”
And I can’t help it; I laugh, as Lenny Kravitz commands,“You got to breathe and have some fun….”
“You’re laughing at me?!” she shrieks, eyes wide. “I didn’t think you had it in you!”
“No, I’m not laughing at your skating. I’m laughing ’cause of the lyrics… ‘breathe and have some fun’… that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Just breathe, okay?”
“Okay, fine.” I watch her inhale through her nose. I try to listen to the song, try to have some fun myself. I can dance a little. At least bob my head to the rhythm, even if I don’t know all the words. I look over at Jessa and now she’s bobbing her head too, suddenly singing along loudly, practically screaming. She looks over at me, extending her hand like it’s an invisible mic and I’m supposed to be taking over the lyrics.“And I got to, got to kno-oow…”
