Page 91 of The Secret of the Three Fates
He swore in Cornish and raked his hand through his hair. “I’m making a mess of this. What I’m trying to say is that I love—”
“—you’re confusing lust with love. Besides,loveis the problem”—I waved a hand in the direction of the island behind us—“Mariah and Mr. Owen loved one another and see where that got them.”
“You are afraid… of this,” he whispered. The damn man saw right through me.
“I am not—I am simply saying that I cannot see a future for us that ends in anything but heartache.”And I do not have the strength to suffer that again.“Go back to Cornwall. Find some pleasant, well-mannered girl to marry—have seven sons—lead your boring life.” The very notion made me ill.
“Fuck boring and fuck my old life.” He growled. “I don’t want a pleasant, well-mannered girl. And the gods know we don’t need any more Pellars in this world. If you must know, I wantyou.”
“Whatdid you say?”
“I wantyou. Every impetuous and clever and maddening inch of you. Gods know I wouldn’t be laying myself bare if I didn’t. But I will not beg and I will not ask again.”
I shook my head—unable to summon the words to send him away, nor could I bring myself to ask him to stay. Feelings were not to be trusted—least of all mine.
At first, I thought he’d continue to quarrel. Or worse—perhapshe’d come closer and take my hand as he had earlier. I knew if he did such a thing I would never be able to let him go. But he did neither of those things.
He simply gave up and walked away. I heard his footsteps on the wooden planks, each one a nail into my own heart. This was the right decision—for both of us. I was greedy and selfish and headstrong and irreparably broken. Ruan deserved more than that. More than me.
Ruan paused perhaps twenty feet from me and called back across the distance. “My offer stands, whenever you stop being so bloody afraid of what we are.” He rubbed his hand roughly over his jaw, watching me with the strangest expression. “I love you, Ruby Vaughn, and whenever you decide what you want, you know where to find me.” Then he turned and left me there—standing alone in the cool mist blowing off the Firth of Forth, regretting every single word that had escaped my lips.
“WHERE’SRUAN GONEoff to now?” Mr. Owen asked with a groan as he climbed the steps back up the dock alone.
“Home, I suppose.”
“Ah. I see.” Mr. Owen sighed.
Unlikely. But I wasn’t about to argue. “Where is Genevieve? Did she agree to come back with us to Exeter? At least until she decides what to do with herself?”
“No. She said she needs to think. I gave her what money I had on me. Told her to write if she needs more. But I doubt she will—the lass is a Lennox through and through.” He shrugged off his heavy woolen overcoat and slid it around my shoulders. “You’re half-frozen. What good will you be to me in the bookshop if your fingers fall off, mmm?”
I’d not even noticed, but he was correct on that score. Myhands were ice. I blew into them, rubbing them together for warmth. “Do you think she’ll come back?”
Mr. Owen gave me a peculiar look. “She doesn’t have much choice with the title to inherit—and how pleased will Andy be when he finally recovers enough to realize that fact? He can set up a house with that lover of his and finally get my brother to leave off with all that marriage nonsense.”
I paused, whipping around to face him. “What do you mean, a title to inherit? She’s a woman.”
“It’s Scotland, my love—the laws around my title are not the same. My daughter can be viscountess in her own right once I am dead and then the inheritance issue is her problem—not mine.”
Well that certainly put a different end to things.
“Does it bother you?”
I blinked, looking up into his warm brown eyes. “What do you mean?”
He gestured at his broad chest. “Do I need to make a list of all my shortcomings? I do not apologize lightly, lass, but I am afraid I owe you a long one.”
I let out a soft laugh and shook my head. “I cannot change any of those things.”
He took me by the hand, turning me back to face him. “It does not matter if you can change them, I ought to have trusted you with the truth of who I was. You do not often speak of your past, but you have never before lied to me. If I enter the world again as Hawick, then things will be different for you and me. We can go along as we have been—I do not mind the wagging tongues of gossips—but you cannot hide from society like you have.”
“Thegossipsare what you worry about?You?”I arched a brow, almost amused at his sudden prudishness.
He exhaled. “Ruby, I don’t give a damn about them. It’s thefact that now that people realize that I am Hawick, you will be subjected to…” He hesitated, unable to meet my gaze. “Scrutiny. I would not blame you if you left my house and did not come back. I would deserve it after all that I’ve done.”
“Do you truly want me to go?” The thought stung more than I’d anticipated.
“Gods, no, child. I want you to stay as long as you please, but I have caused you no end of misery. I was simply wondering if you might not be better off without me.”
