Page 19 of Introducing Mrs. Collins
He hesitated. ‘Not especially, no. I called at the parsonage already and said farewell to your husband and sister but found yourself and Mrs Bennet were out. Mrs Brooke told me you would likely be here at the church, so…’ He tailed off, a little bashful.
Charlotte grinned in spite of herself. ‘Well, thank you Colonel. I shall be very sorry to see you go. Lady Catherine must be desolate.’
‘Indeed, she would have me stay there forever, but then she also boasts of having a colonel for a nephew, so she cannot have it both ways.’
He was in his regimentals today, in readiness to rejoin his barracks. The gleaming red and white of his uniform became him.How odd,thought Charlotte,that soldiers should always look so pristine when that uniform is destined for dirt and blood.She tried to shake the morose thought from her head.
He adjusted his cross-belt distractedly as he continued, ‘I called here to see you, but in truth, I had harboured some hope of seeing Miss Bennet. Do you know where she is?’
‘Oh, yes, of course.’ Charlotte had been expecting this. ‘She is on one of her long walks; I am sorry you missed her. I could take a message to her, or – a token?’
Colonel Fitzwilliam looked unsure, pulled out his watch, and determined something. ‘Yes. I would be so grateful if you would.’
Charlotte readied herself for some kind of embarrassing romantic item to be passed to her: a crushed rose, a torn-out page of poetry, a locket or some such. He produced nothing like that but invited her to sit down with him.
He hardly fitted in the pew; it was not a comfortable setting for sharing confidences.
‘What I would ask you to convey to Miss Bennet is my heartfelt apology.’
‘Oh! For what, sir?’
‘Yesterday, I told her something about Darcy and how he had saved his friend from a marriage which… I do not know whether—’ He was uncharacteristically hesitant at every word and said, ‘Forgive me. My apology is about my indiscretion, and I do not wish to compound that by being even more indiscreet in involving you.’
‘Sir, be at ease – Eliza is sure to tell me eventually, and you may rely on me keeping any secret.’
‘Thank you.’ He shifted in his seat, tilting his knees towards hers, to stop them pressing against the pew in front. ‘Well then, here is my crime: I told Miss Bennet the story of how Darcy had saved his friend Bingley from a poor match, and I relayed all the objections to the lady and her family, which I had heard from Darcy. Miss Bennet listened and did not say anything, but I know now that the lady in question was Miss Jane Bennet and therefore I had been carelessly defaming Miss Elizabeth’s own sister and her family.’
Charlotte took in this information. So Darcyhadwilfully kept Bingley from Jane, after all. This would be heavy news indeed for Eliza. Charlotte wondered why she had not shared it, but then she realised this was probably the reason Eliza had kept to her own room this last day or so, with so much to concern herself.
The colonel continued, ‘The terms with which I freely spoke of them, never knowing of whom I was speaking, were unthinkably rude. I only found out last night, in talking with Darcy, that this was the case. I would never have… I feel like an oaf, Mrs Collins, and I fear I may have really hurt Miss Bennet’s feelings. I let my discretion fall away, all because—’
‘Because you were enjoying her company so much and you wanted to retain her attention?’
The colonel looked embarrassed. ‘Yes. You read me well, again, Mrs Collins. I have not been used to women’s company this last year and, I must confess, I was carried away by it.’
‘Well, I will pass on your apology, sir, and your concern for her – it speaks well of you.’ Charlotte thought she would try to keep all options open for Elizabeth, brokering a future in this match, though there was a small pull in her gut as she did so. ‘My friend is the best of women. I am sorry you must leave and suspend any feelings you may have for her, but perhaps on your return—’
‘I thank you, but,’ began the colonel, looking suddenly uncomfortable, ‘while I have greatly enjoyed her company, Mrs Collins, I am in no position to make an offer and am not likely to be so.’
Charlotte was taken aback by his bluntness and said so to him, though kindly.
‘Forgive my being forthright, Mrs Collins, but I think it must be helpful in matters such as this. And I feel I can be frank with you.’
Charlotte nodded, glad of what he said. She remembered the truth of his situation now. He had made mention of his position on one of their first meetings, suggesting he would have to make a wealthy match, if he did ever find the right time to marry. They were both of them reliant on the fortunes of their spouses, so she held nothing against him for the admission. It was probably rather humbling for him.
‘Perhaps you will forgive my boldness now if I remark that it seems unfair that a colonel, fighting for his country who has endured so much, is not paid enough to pick a wife of his choosing.’
‘Perhaps it is unfair, but it is as I always knew it would be. I am the younger son, and my brother has inherited all my father had, which was not so much as one might think. And I have always known my living would not suit a wife, even a rich one, if truth be told.’
‘What a waste,’ said Charlotte quietly, and then caught her own meaning and flushed. She hurried on, ‘Does it make you very sad, not to have that choice?’ she asked, thinking of Eliza.
‘I hope you will forgive me if I say I am not heartbroken. I trust I have not raised Miss Bennet’s hopes – I believe neither of us have been entirely invested, and I have been as open with her about my situation as I am with you now.’
‘Ah, I am glad of it,’ replied Charlotte, relieved.
He went on, with some hesitation, ‘I have been… remarkably lucky to find the company I have these last few weeks.’
‘Yes. Elizabeth has enjoyed your company, too, and she will rally soon enough – she has other… she will rally.’
