Page 72 of Introducing Mrs. Collins
She hurriedly walked downstairs again and entered her sitting room. Flicking through her poetry books again, she made a sound of exasperation, loud enough that Mr Collins poked his head around the door, enquiring, ‘Are you well, my dear?’
‘Oh, I have lost something, but it is not of great import.’
‘My dear, why did you not say? What is it?’
‘Just a… poem that I have written. It is nothing.’
‘You have written a poem? You are uniformly charming. It must certainly be found – Brooke!’ he called with urgency.
But Brooke could not reply, for at that moment, the bell for the door sounded. Mr and Mrs Collins looked at one another and, establishing neither was expecting a visitor, quickly made their way to the drawing room, Charlotte removing her apron as she went, Collins smoothing his hair so it lay even flatter on his head.
Once seated, they immediately rose again, as Brooke entered and announced Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She came in wearing her usual expression of distaste, peering around the room, finding little to her liking.
Mr Collins practically jumped forward to greet her. ‘What an honour, Lady Catherine! Tea, please, Brooke. Would you care tosit here, your ladyship? This is our best chair. But perhaps the light is in your eyes? This room can be dreadfully bright.’
‘It is all perfectly acceptable,’ returned Lady Catherine.
This was an honour indeed. Lady Catherine rarely visited them in their home.
‘May I enquire after Miss de Bourgh, your ladyship? I do hope you both had a pleasant time in London.’
At this, Lady Catherine looked pleased for the first time since her arrival. ‘My daughter is well – particularly well at present, Mrs Collins. But I will say no more on the subject of Anne.’ She took a sip of tea, before proceeding to say more on the subject of Anne. ‘I have reason to feel hopeful for her future, but all of us know that nothing can be guaranteed.’
‘Indeed!’ Mr Collins picked up the reins of the exchange. ‘Miss Anne de Bourgh has long been considered one of the brightest stars in the firmament of greater Kent, but if she should see fit to shine that light elsewhere, we should all—’
‘I understand from my nephew, Mr Darcy,’ Lady Catherine cut in, ‘that Mr Bennet is not in good health. Has this intelligence reached you, Mrs Collins?’
‘Indeed. I did not know that it was widely known. Eliza told me in a letter.’
Lady Catherine said sharply, ‘It is notwidely known. I have been told privately by my nephew about his father-in-law. I did not hear it from a village gossip.’
Mr Collins leapt in. ‘Of course, and how pleasing it is to know that you are on good terms once more with your nephew. The Darcys were gracious, indeed, in hosting my wife, and with your permission only, it will be a pleasure to welcome them back into our acquaintance. But should you say the word, we would strike them from our lips and never speak of them again.’ Collins was in fine dramatic form, emboldened by the honour of his patron’s visit.
‘You exaggerate the situation, Mr Collins. I never had any quarrel with the Darcys; I only wished they had consulted me more in their plans.’
Charlotte had to work hard to mask the incredulity she felt. Only Lady Catherine could deny entirely a fall-out so expansive that most of the Home Counties had heard of it.
‘I suppose you have considered the consequences of Mr Bennet’s ill health?’ asked Lady Catherine, posing the question more to Charlotte than to her husband.
Charlotte hesitated. She had not; her mind had been preoccupied of late. ‘I do not know yet how serious it is.’
‘I believe it is very serious,’ replied Lady Catherine quickly. ‘I believe it is getting more serious by the day.’
Charlotte suddenly felt a great weight upon her, that of having neglected her friend. While shehadreplied to Eliza’s last letter, she had allowed the contents of it to slip from her mind amid her own exploits. Should she have gone to visit the Bennets? Would she be welcome?
But clearly, Lady Catherine was speaking of the more material consequences: the entailment of Longbourn. ‘It seems likely that you may have a time of change coming, Mr and Mrs Collins. It behoves you both to be ready for it.’
They were silent, Mr Collins readying himself, as ordered, for such a change of circumstance, Charlotte not ready at all, thinking only of what she would be leaving behind.
Lady Catherine broke into their thoughts. ‘I have not seen the gardens of the parsonage for many years, and I am reliably informed that you have improved them, Mrs Collins. Though it is a cold day, perhaps you might grant me a tour of them?’
‘They hardly look their best in February!’ began Charlotte, but she was silenced by a look from Lady Catherine and added, ‘But, of course, it would be my pleasure.’
Mr Collins went to rise but was discouraged by Lady Catherine. ‘I will feel rather crowded on your small paths with two guides, Mr Collins. I wish to take the air with Mrs Collins alone.’
Mr Collins acquiesced but not without a good deal of curiosity. As Charlotte followed Lady Catherine from the room, she turned and pulled a face that clearly said,I haven’t the faintest idea either!He mirrored it instinctively, and they exchanged a brief grin – grateful for a moment of shared levity. They had not had many, in recent months. They had not had many at all.
Just past the herb garden, Lady Catherine began. ‘You may be surprised, Mrs Collins, to learn that I consider Mr Collins to be… I care what happens to Mr Collins. I did not appoint him at random, and I had many other candidates. He is a good man, whom I trust, which is rare, and one of whom I have grown fond.’ Lady Catherine looked pained by what she was admitting and added, ‘I care about his interests.’ She spoke this statement as though to replace the previous, more sentimental one.
