Page 96 of Introducing Mrs. Collins
‘I am still in half-mourning, Mother. I can hardly walk around in a red petticoat!’
Lady Lucas gave in and led her wilful daughter into the house.
And yet, they clashed again over luncheon – a classic Lucas summer offering of rich lamb stew with buttered potatoes and green beans. Sir William had never experienced a light meal in his life and wouldn’t permit one now. He quietly salted his meal, as his wife and daughter crossed words opposite him. He was not at ease with conversations of the heart during mealtimes – and certainly not before five o’clock.
‘Is it so wrong to hope, Charlotte, that you might marry again? I do not hope it for myself – or for the satisfaction of society! But is it so impossible to think that it would makeyouhappy? Mr Cardew is a handsome, respectable man, of about your age—’
‘It will not be Mr Cardew, Mother – that much I guarantee.’
‘Well, there are others in the town whom I believe have taken an interest.’
Charlotte sighed. She took a mouthful of lamb, chewed and swallowed it, while she decided how much to say. ‘Mother, I have the great luxury of being content with myself and my situation. I would not risk that state for anything but the very greatest love, and I have not encountered that since—’ Charlotte stopped, then corrected herself, ‘I have not encountered that in Meryton.’
‘When you married Mr Collins,’ said Lady Lucas, proceeding carefully, ‘I felt some sadness that you would not experience the… thrill of a romance: the to and fro, the push and pull of courtship,the fun of wondering and guessing – the drama, I suppose, of true love. That is what your father and I had, you know, at first.’
Sir William’s eyes went round, and he silently skewered a potato.
‘Your marriage… Well, it was a very convenient match, and so’ – Lady Lucas searched for the word – ‘straightforward.’
Charlotte nodded. She was not offended.
Her mother took it as leave to continue. ‘But that is why I so wish that you might find something different now. I do not say I am glad about poor Mr Collins’s fate – I think he was a good husband to you – but I do not want you to shut yourself off. You might yet have that drama, that thrill.’
Charlotte thought for a moment, chewing again. The lamb was rather tough. She turned to face her mother. ‘If it consoles you, then know this: I have felt some of what you describe. Do not ask me when or with whom, for I shall not tell you. I tell you only so that you may not mourn those things for me. But if you think I seek them now, you are mistaken. I do not wish to guess, nor to tease. I do not wish to chase, nor to evade. I do not wish for sport or riddles or to dance around it. When I next find love, I hope it simply walks towards me in a straight line.’
Lady Lucas listened well to her eldest daughter, her first-born – her favourite, in truth – and felt the quiet joy of truly understanding her. What she had just said was so very Charlotte, and she loved her for it.
‘I am only glad,’ she said, in a conciliatory tone, ‘to hear you say, “next”.’ She patted Charlotte’s arm over her grey linen sleeve, while Sir William studiously, and with great care, cut a single potato into twelve equal parts.
CHAPTER XIV
When it came time for Elizabeth and Sofia to return to Pemberley towards the end of May, Charlotte’s heart was sore; they would leave such a gap, such a silence in her house. Even before they left, with the trunks packed and Sofia’s gurgles quietened with sleep, the air felt cooler, thinner.
While final preparations were made for the journey, Charlotte and Elizabeth sat in the parlour, making idle chat, the way one does when procrastinating before an unwanted farewell.
‘She has turned Georgiana into something of a gossip! But thankfully, they have nothing to gossip about – the county offers them little diversion, I fear,’ said Elizabeth, putting her bonnet on.
‘If Kitty wishes for a change of scene, she is always welcome to stay here,’ offered Charlotte.
‘I would not wish her upon you.’
‘Eliza! You are too cruel!’
‘No, I jest. She is a good girl. I will tell her – thank you.’
‘And please send my best wishes to your husband.’
‘I shall.’
Elizabeth tied her ribbons and stood up, preparing to leave, but Charlotte suddenly put an arm out and grabbed her wrist. Elizabeth looked down in surprise.
Speaking very quickly, as if to get her words out before she changed her mind, Charlotte asked, ‘What of Colonel Fitzwilliam?’
Elizabeth’s face shifted from surprise to resignation, as if she had been wondering if this moment would come. She sat again, carefully untying her bonnet.
‘The coach is ready, madam,’ Brooke called from the hall.
‘We are a little delayed, Brooke. Please ask them to wait,’ Charlotte called back. In the silence that followed, they listened to the sound of the coachman dismounting and muffled conversation in the hall.
