Page 71 of A Heart of Crimson Flames
I poured myself a glass and walked along the hall, studying the tapestries that hung along this wing. Beautiful woven art of gardens and castles, before stopping at the one on the farthest end. A knot formed in my throat when I saw it. I knew this story.
The Sleeping Queen.
In the piece was a forest of golden trees and floating above in the clouds was depicted my mother. She was so young, laying on a tomb, her hair spilling over the sides and a bouquet ofwhite flowers in her hands. And standing over her was my father, strong and heroic, bending as if about to kiss her and break her sleeping curse.
I’d never known my parents—more myth than reality in my mind. They died at the hands of Sawyn the day Calla and I were born. And my mother’s dying wish was that I may live to marry Grae and save our court—a wish ultimately fulfilled by my twin. My twin who was about to run off into battle without me.
At that thought, all my daydreams came crashing down. The glass illusion of the life Maez and I could have, uncaring of the world outside, shattered into a thousand heartbroken shards. Even high in the clouds, I couldn’t forget who I truly was.
The pendulum of fate swung sharply back in the other direction, reminding me I was neither sweet nor wicked but something perpetually in between. I could embrace the darkness, but I couldn’t hide within it any longer, either.
I looked out at the nearly full moon dipping below the horizon as the sun rose. My mother would never know that I shared her curse. Nor that I fell in love with a sorceress like the one who had killed her. Not only had I abandoned my parents’ cause to save our people, I’d abandoned my only living relative to save them without me.
Would they have hated the person I’ve become as much as I did in this moment? Would they feel the same shame that had taken me by surprise?
My eyes welled. It didn’t matter. My parents would never know me at all. I’d lived so much of my life as an idea, as a symbol, I’d never been given the chance to be my own flawed sort of person. I liked the wicked edge that Maez brought out in me and being more complicated than the perfect Crimson Princess. I liked that my bleeding heart had now been ignited into flames.
I liked all of who I was becoming... apart from one thing.
Maez appeared silently beside me, but I didn’t so much as flinch. I could feel the weight of her eyes on me before I even spotted her in my periphery. And I knew then for certain, I couldbe fierce, I could be hers, but I couldn’t bury my head in the sand anymore.
“I’d give everything to be with you,” I said as a single tear streaked down my cheek. “Every last ounce of my soul, but—”
“After all that we’ve been through... Why are you saying this to me again when you know my response?” Maez’s voice rasped with sleep, her face solemn. She seemed just as saddened by the statement as me. “You know I will do terrible, terrible things for you, Briar. I will be loyal. I will love you in the most fearsome ways, but I can’t be the mate you once knew. I can’t be everything for you.”
“You don’t understand.” I sniffed. “You already are.” Maez’s eyes widened, her thumb lifting to sweep away my tears. “I would kill for you, Maez. Die for you.”
“Don’t stay that. I don’t want that.” She shook her head. “There is no choice for you.”
“There are many choices and I’m making one of them right now.” I faced her fully, watching her with bleary eyes. “And I chooseyou. I need you to understand that before I tell you—”
“Briar—”
“Hear me! Know that I speak true. You told me to give you one good reason to care about me,” I choked out. “And it’s not because I’m rich or beautiful or poised. It’s not because I’m a princess. Sweet Moon, it’s not even because we’re mates. It’s because every time there is a fork ahead, I will choose the road you’re on, Maez. Always. It’s because even at your darkest I will never stop fighting for us.
“If you become a monster, then I will become a monster, too.”
She was so damn still but I saw the tears in her eyes, the rise in color in her cheeks.
“But I would die for Calla, too.”
I watched as her face fell when it finally clicked why I needed to repeat my love and loyalty to her now: because I was leaving her, and if things went sideways, I might never return. I neededher to know that come what may, my heart would remain here with her.
“I am going to Damrienn,” I said. “I am fighting alongside my twin, my court. And I am not asking you to come, but Ihaveto go.” I cupped her cheeks in my hands, my heart cracking open as one tear spilled from her welling eyes. “And I will come back for you when we win because you are mine and I choose for my heart to always belong with you, but you have to let me go. I will be your Goddess of Vengeance when you cannot.”
Her throat bobbed. “I love you,” she whispered. “I choose you. Always, no matter what I become.”
My lips crashed into hers, and I kissed with all the desperation in me, all the words I couldn’t voice. Her fingers pressed into my flesh, holding me to her. I gave her one last all-consuming kiss and pressed my forehead to hers.
“Send me to Calla,” I whispered.
“I don’t want you to go,” she cried, the last of her walls finally breaking down, finally letting out all those raw feelings she’d been bottling up for decades.
“I know,” I said, soothing a hand down her back. “But I need to be a part of this fight.”
“I can’t come with you.” She practically trembled with the fear she finally allowed herself to feel. “I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t come—”
“I’m not asking you to.”
