Page 90 of A Heart of Crimson Flames
“No.” Calla held up a hand, cutting me off, and I smiled at the assertiveness. I liked how confident they had become, once so unsure of every step forward; there was none of that in the Queen anymore.
“Of course, I selfishly hoped we’d all return to Olmdere together,” they said. “I wished I could bottle us all up together, the Golden Court, in my own little daydream forever. But I know now that there is no perfect forever, only perfect moments. Like right now.” They raised a glass to each of us in turn. “I could no sooner stake you all down than I could a river. Nor would I deny you the places that truly feel like home.”
“You will always be my Queen,” I said.
“And mine,” Maez said, rising to stand. She gave Calla a clap on the shoulder before walking over and wedging herself between Navin and me. “Where will you go, Sads?” she asked, and my heart pinched at my nickname once again on her lips. “Travel the realm with your musician?”
Navin threaded his fingers through mine. “We will be staying here in Damrienn,” he said. “We’ll lend a hand to the reconstruction of the city, and then who knows?”
I smiled at him, grateful. I knew he was trying to take the blame for the decision. It felt good to finally declare it aloud: I wanted to stay in Damrienn. To stay in myhome.
“Thank the Gods,” Ora said. Everyone cut looks to them and they chuckled, their golden earrings tinkling like wind chimes. “I’m sorry.” They shrugged. “But there are only so many sea shanties I can sing loud enough to cover the sounds of your vigorous lovemaking.”
I snorted sparkling wine out my nose. Maez smacked me on the back as I coughed and pinched my fizzling nostrils. “You heard us?”
“You don’t need to have Wolf ears to hear the two of you,” Svenja said, lifting her eyebrows at me. She leaned her shoulder into Ora. “I think your travels will be much quieter now, palizya.”
“It will give us some room to find other wandering souls, others lost who might need a helping hand.” They looked from me to Grae to Calla. “Or perhaps some secret Wolves who simply need a ride.”
We all smiled at them, remembering our journeys in Galen den’ Mora. How different our fortunes might have been if we’d never crossed paths with Ora.
A softer song drifted up from across the clamor and I spied Mina and Kian gathered tightly on a bench. She played her violin while he sang along, a sad, resonant song—one I’d heard before. My heart twinged at the funeral song and a jealousy bloomed in me once more that Mina had ways to mourn those she lost that I did not. Maybe I’d need to ask Navin to teach me how. Maez leaned her shoulder into mine, just the subtlest press, but I knew she followed my line of sight.
Verena speared through the group, her Ice Wolves in tow as she bowed her head at Calla. “We are leaving now,” she announced, tipping her chin in the direction of the Stormcrest Ranges. “The pack wants to run in the full moon, and we have a court that needs to heal. Now our work begins in earnest, Your Majesty.”
Calla laughed and shook Verena’s hand. “I suppose it does, Your Majesty.”
“I look forward to a unified future for our packs, something far better than our predecessors could have ever dreamed up,” Verena said. “Be well, friend.”
“And you,” Calla replied, the two Queens tilting their chins up to the moonlight in unison—a prayer and a farewell.
Maez slung her arm around my shoulder. “Come on,” she said. She looked over her shoulder and said to Navin, “I will return your fiancée momentarily.”
I let her drag me off the fountain bench and lead me through the boisterous crowd. “Where are we going?”
We walked through the narrow townhouses and to the ruins of the palace, where the streets were still quiet and the festivities were only a distant hum. She raised her glass to the moon as Haestas swept across it, the dragon silhouetted by the silver glow. I raised my glass, too, unsure of why we did so. Maez stared at the sky for many more seconds before she spoke.
“For Hector,” she said.
“Curse you,” I muttered, roughly swiping at my eyes again. “I am not one to cry so fucking frequently.”
“Just for tonight you are,” she said.
I held her gaze. She knew I needed this, needed to mourn him, that I couldn’t forever ice over my heart with hatred. I had no songs to sing, no words to speak, but at some point I’d have to let him go.
“I don’t want to,” I whispered, battling to keep my emotions in check. “I want to hate him or at the very least feel nothing. Why did he do it? I’ll never have that answer. I don’t want the chance we could’ve ever reconciled to be gone. I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“I know.”
Maez held that silent space for me for a long time, our breaths curling into the cold air as more stars winked to life. She knew I wouldn’t let my guard down easily, knew I needed this quiet moment. Maez had known Hector and me her whole life. If anyone could help me untangle this twisted knot of raw feelings it would be her, my best friend.
“It’s just us here,” Maez said, standing shoulder to shoulder with me as we stared at the moon. “I’ve got you.”
“Fuck it,” I said, letting the hot tears spill down my cheeks. The dam broke, the guards fell, and I sobbed. I let the tears wreck me until the moon was only a glowing blur in the black of night. And when I finally found my voice again, I said, “Goodbye, brother.”
Maez and I raised our chins to the moon and howled.
Briar
