Page 54 of A Heart of Crimson Flames
I dipped my hand back in the water, breaking the reflection, and kept scrubbing.
When I heard the scuffle of feet behind me, I knew Maez wanted to be heard. I looked over my shoulder and found her holding out a letter toward me.
“From Calla,” she said. “If you’d like to reply, I’ll make sure that it actually reaches her this time.”
She was guarded and unsure as I rose from where I perched on the fountain and took the letter from her hands. Her intense, dark eyes studied my face.
“Is it hard being parted from her?”
“Yes and no,” I said. “We were all each other had for so long.” I turned the letter over in my hands. “But the plan was always for us to be parted, me remaining in Damrienn while Calla led an army to fight Sawyn with the allegiance of Silver Wolves at our back, and while those plans have irrevocably changed, I always knew our lives would take us farther from each other. It’s time we carve our own paths. Calla has truly shined since stepping out from my shadow.”
And I’m finding I mightlikethe shadows.
“When we were in Olmdere,” Maez said hesitantly, and it hurt to hear the delicacy with which she remembered those times as if they were so far away now. The sorrow panned through me as I remembered our little cabin and how she and I were so giddy, interrupting our everyday tasks for bouts of lovemaking, delighting in the fact we had the chance to be something more than the soldier and the Princess.
Maez took a step toward me. “When we were in Olmdere,”she said a little more confidently, “you said that you didn’t want to rule.”
“I don’t,” I replied with a shake of my head.
“You said you wanted a little house at the edge of the world,” she continued, tipping her head to the open window and the jungles that dropped to open air all around us. “You said you wished we could be in a sanctuary of our own, where no one was knocking on our door, where we could just be together.”
My chest tightened, making it hard to take a deep breath. She remembered. I’d been lying in our bed, tangled in her arms, drifting off to sleep with my head rising and falling with each of her deep sleepy breaths. I’d thought she’d already let sleep take her, but she remembered.
“It was a careless, selfish wish,” I said. “Our court needs us; our family needs us. We all need to fight to protect Olmdere.”
“And then?”
“What?”
“Will it ever be enough? Would your life and service always be to your twin’s crown? Because the world will never stop, it will never be perfect, and while we can do our best to make it so, at the end of the day you have to decide to give yourself over to the things you need, too.” She scrubbed a hand down her face. “But perhaps it isn’t the place, but the person you spend it with,” she said, defeated. “And I am not the woman you wanted to run away with.” Her eyes dropped to the paper in my hands. “I’ll leave you to read your letter.”
When she turned, I called out. “You had me kill Evres to prove a point not to me but to yourself.” She paused, and I knew my words connected. “You are stronger than you know, too, Maez. Help me kill Nero. Then maybe we can talk about our home at the edge of the world.”
“An ultimatum.” She paused and looked over her shoulder at me, bitterness on her face. “If I’m your weapon, then I can be your lover, hmm? If you can have my magic, then you will consider myheart?” She kept walking and threw over her shoulder, “You will have all of me or none of me, Briar Marriel.”
All!I wanted to shout.
All...
I wanted to believe.
I PACED BACK AND FORTH OUTSIDE MAEZ’S BEDROOM DOOR, adrenaline filling my veins.
All of her or none of her. I knew the moment she said it which I would choose and yet it still took a great force of will to bring myself to her doorstep. At every challenge, she expected me to turn and run, and I knew now that I never would. And that probably made me a terrible person. It probably stripped all the good I’d ever done... if I ever had done any. It was Calla who was truly the good one. They had saved our homeland while I’d been a cursed damsel. Maybe I’d never be all the things I’d been raised to be. Maybe I needed to finally shed the skin of that pointless potential.
I balled my hands into fists and let out a growl of frustration. I was sick of overthinking this. I was tired of trying to find the morality in a relationship where there was none. But I knew I wanted Maez. And I knew she’d have me if only I asked.
Finally, I stopped pacing. I planted my feet decidedly in front of her door and banged on it like I was threatening to break it down.
When Maez opened her door a second later, her eyebrows were raised, her expression intrigued.
“You want a lover?” I asked. “Then take me.”
Her eyes sharpened as she shook her head. “This isn’t what I meant,” she snarled. “I don’t want you to treat me like another one of your men. I don’t want you to fuck me just to get me to do your bidding. Don’t use your body as a weapon with me.”
I arched my eyebrow, full seductress now. “And what if I justwant you simply because I’m sad and lonely and it feels good to have your skin against mine.”
She shuddered, eyes dipping to where my hands slid up my legs and under my skirt. I slid my undergarments off and let them pool at my feet before kicking them away. I lifted a hand to her chest, pushing her back to step into the room and shut the door. Maez’s eyes guttered as I held her gaze.
