Page 90 of Summer Longing
Ben, incredulous, looked at Olivia. “Since when has spontaneity been high on your list of priorities?”
She shrugged. “You’re the one who’s been telling me to take time off, to slow down.”
“Everything in moderation. I’m glad you’ve slowed down a little, but eventually you have to get back to real life. This town has a way of diverting you from reality. But the reality is there, waiting. You might as well face it sooner rather than later.”
Ruth reached across the table, retrieved the brochure, crumpled it up, and shoved it back into her handbag.
The town had divertedherfrom reality. For weeks now, she had been walking around in a fog, a fantasy, imagining that somehow, she could hit the reset button with her daughter. And maybe she had, if just a little. That was a major victory, and she should have been content with that. But then Ben had arrived, and she started having the same feelings of wanting to correct the past.
This isn’t about them,a voice in her head told her.This is your stuff.
She had avoided the messiness of her marriage and motherhood, choosing instead to channel all of her energy into something more manageable: her company. Now her company was gone, and the dangling threads of her life were unbearably loose. But there was no way to completely tie them back together again. She had to find a way to make peace with the past. She needed to remember her original motivation in moving to Provincetown: to start fresh. To create a new home that was built for this new stage of her life, not a home for raising children, not an apartment that was easy to maintain while she traveled for work. A home that she could grow old in.
Ben was right; Olivia had to get back to her real life and face whatever problems she had in her career. She had to find her own place in the world. It was selfish for Ruth to try to keep her in town just because she wanted the chance to mother her. And of course, Ben had his life.
Ruth had planted the seeds of her new life in Provincetown. Someday they would take root. Until then, she would have to be patient. There were no shortcuts to emotional peace.
“Your father is right,” Ruth said. Both Ben and Olivia looked at her in surprise. “You need to get back to the city.”
“I’m not avoiding reality,” Olivia snapped. “I’m trying to figure it out. There’s a difference.”
Ruth and Ben instinctively looked at each other, the shared glance of parents. Everything she’d been thinking just moments before—about letting the past go, about starting over—evaporated. She was tired of going it alone. She missed wordless communication. She missed sharing her life with someone. She missed her husband.
“Okay, okay,” Ben said. “There’s no need for anyone to get upset.”
Ruth sensed a slight opening and decided to push. “For the record, I don’t think some more vacation time would hurt either one of you. In fact, I think you could both use it.”
Ben looked at her in surprise.
“Yeah, Dad,” Olivia said. “I mean, it’s thesummer.”
Ben signaled for the waiter, ordered another bottle of wine. He did not say yes, but he did not say no. And after all these years, Ruth knew Ben. And she knew that he would stay through the Fourth of July.
Ruth looked around the table at her family. A few more weeks.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The Fourth of July was Elise’s favorite holiday and had been ever since she’d moved to Provincetown. In P’town, for her, the holiday was not just a celebration of the country’s independence but a symbol of her own life journey.
At noon, she sat on the steps of Tea by the Sea watching the parade pass by: the floats and music and hordes of people with their faces painted red, white, and blue; the sequined Uncle Sam hats; a sign that readWE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT, THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUALwith theMENcrossed out and replaced in red lettering withPEOPLE.
Sometimes, Elise felt that becoming an adult was a process of unlearning much of what she’d been taught as a child. For most people, growing up was about learning more, and she envied them.
Girls grow up to marry men.
Elise had been six years old when she realized this would never be true for her. It was a biguh-ohmoment. It remained a big uh-oh until her twenties.
Falling in love with Fern had changed that. Her sexual orientation was not a problem to be dealt with. It was not a mistake. It was not something to apologize for, not even to her parents.
Another sign passed by:LIFE. LIBERTY. THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.
Together, she and Fern had certainly pursued happiness. But ultimately, it was not their parents or society that had gotten in the way. It was just life, the stumbling blocks that every couple faced.
The question was, how much damage had been done? Elise had not seen Fern in a week. One thing led to another led to another, and she was busy every day in Boston. Fern was there for work and Elise had no reason to believe otherwise, but she couldn’t help thinking back to that night last summer when she went to find her at the piano bar and she was not where she’d said she would be.I’m not having an affair…I’ve thought about it. I mean, things have not been great.
From a purely business standpoint, Fern should be in Provincetown. What could be more important than building up their clientele while they had the summer foot traffic? Fern could spend the fall traveling to expand. It just seemed too convenient that they were arguing over the baby and suddenly Fern felt this urgency to maximize their wholesale opportunities.
Elise pulled her phone out of the pocket of her cargo shorts and dialed Fern. It went straight to voice mail. A few seconds later, a text pinged:Can’t talk.
