Page 75 of Not Today, Satan
Nate turns and stops so suddenly, I almost plow into him. “Where did you get those?”
I spread my arms. “I grabbed them off a lady’s bag.”
“That’s stealing, Devica.” Nate rubs his forehead. “Don’t you have an entire lot dedicated to people who do that?”
I scowl. I know how these things work. I don’t need him Nate-splaining them to me.
“She wasn’t using them,” I mutter. “Besides, you know who I am. I don’t exactly think it’s an issue.”
“How could I forget?” His voice is dark and low. “You made that abundantly clear on the bridge.”
My heart sinks. The pain on his face wedges under my skin, and I swallow hard.
“So thatiswhat this is about.” I straighten my sunglasses and fix my gaze on him. “You know everything I said to Ferus was a lie, right? I needed him to trust me. As long as he was suspicious of me, we’d never get away. I tossed you over the side, but I also dove after you.”
“You did.” He straightens his spine. “Because you need me to take you to your mom. That’s all I’ve ever been to you. And it’s fine, Devica. I accept it. But it doesn’t mean I like it.”
I shrink into my wings. His words sting more than the blinding sun. My voice comes out barely a whisper, the words scratching my throat. “What do you mean?”
“It became clear as I was falling. How you planned every single step. You know Hell better than anyone, but you led us directly into those lots. Then you conveniently got injured in Nix. But you kissed me first. You invitedmeintoyourbed. I can’t believe you thought you needed to take it that far. You’d already hooked me. I would’ve helped you anyway.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Tears prick my eyes. He thinks so little of me that he believes I’d seduce him for a ticket to Earth. That time in the castle means nothing to him. It meant everything to me.
My throat aches. I wrap my arms around myself and dig my fingernails into my side. “I was surprised about that kiss, too. I’ve never kissed anyone, Nate. I wanted to be with you, to show you how much you matter to me.”
I take a trembling breath. “And I don’t know Hell as well as you think. Father did his best to hide the worst from me because he knew I wouldn’t want his job when I saw what he really made down there. He only showed me what he wanted me to see.”
Nate shakes his head. “But I saw it in your face, Devica. How much you despise humans. How muchshadelingslike me make you sick.”
My stomach lurches. I’ve known since the ice castle that I’d have to let him go. And his anger makes things easier. Except I can’t bring myself to walk away from him like this, thinking the worst of me. The worst of us.
“You don’t.” I touch his arm, and he wrenches out of my grasp. My heart sinks. “You told me the name of the park back at the castle and explained where to find her. I didn’t need you here, Iwantedyou. I jumped after you without knowing if my wings would even work. We both could’ve died in those flames, but I took the chance to get you out. I couldn’t bear the thought of you ending up back in Lot Thirteen. I would’ve done anything to make sure you didn’t, even if it meant hurting you. But I’m sorry it did. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.”
He stares at the ground, scuffing his boot over the already dulled star beneath it. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Lowering my sunglasses, I tilt his chin so that he can see my eyes. “I did it for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you my plan, but there wasn’t time. I believe you’re innocent, Nate. You’re one of the good ones, and you deserve to be saved, no matter what I lose in the process—no matter if I lose you.”
Nate searches my gaze, his face pinched. “I’m trying to forgive you, Dev, but it’s going to take time. The girl I saw down there terrified me, and I’m not sure I can trust you anymore. You know my history. Everyone who loved me left me. And many that were supposed to care for me treated me more like a paycheck than a person. It killed me, reliving that pain. I understand why you did what you did, but you didn’t see yourself on that bridge. The coldness in your eyes. You spent our journey proving to me you’re not your father’s daughter, but it all came undone in that moment.”
I drop my hand and close my eyes, taking shallow breaths. “Nate—”
“Look.” He starts moving again. “I promised I’d take you to the park for getting me out. You kept your end of the bargain, and I’ll keep mine. But we’ll stick to your original plan and split up once we’re there.”
His words scrape my insides like a dagger against my ribs—an actual punishment in Lot Thirteen—but his voice is the blade. Nate’s managed to split me open without a weapon.
I open my mouth to protest, but then I clamp my jaw shut. He’s wrong about my intentions, but he’s right about us splitting up. Father or Ferus—or both—will come after me. And it’s better if I’m nowhere near Nate so that they can’t drag him back, too. Nate’s anger stings, but it’ll make it easier to let him go. He deserves peace for once in his life.
I’ll just have to get over the fact that the one person who saw any good in me no longer does.
XXXV.
Pushing my sunglasses up, I wipe away the tear that escapes below the frames and let out a long breath before following Nate.
“Fine,” I say when I’ve caught up. “If that’s what you want.”
His jaw is all hard lines and tight angles, and instead of replying, he nods.
I ball my hands into fists, wincing as my fingernails dig into my palms. “How far is the park?”
