Page 77 of Not Today, Satan
Now that the sun is no longer ripping into my corneas, I study them. They tower over us, their trunks shimmering. A sweet scent wafts from their branches, masking the choking smell of burning fuel and exhaust from the vehicles jamming the street.
“Have you thought about what you’ll do if your mom isn’t at the park?” Nate asks. “I mean, the chances of all of us being there at the same time are slim.”
I drop my gaze and gnaw on the inside of my cheek, still sore from biting it till it bled while standing above the Ignis River.
I haven’t let myself think about it. There are countless reasons she won’t come. She could’ve moved. She may only visit the park once a year, like in the dates on the photos. Or she could see me waiting for her and turn away and never come back.
My stomach flips, and a sour taste climbs up my throat.
“I’ll wait. I don’t have much choice. This is the only place I know she visits. We’ve spent the last year in the worst conditions in the universe. I’m sure I can handle staying on a park bench till she shows up.”
“And if your dad shows up instead?”
I touch the hilt of my sword as nerves coil through my body. “I’ll worry about that when it happens. What about you? Where will you go?”
He kicks at a rock with his shoe. It bounces across the pavement, settling beside the bag of a woman sitting on a bench. “I don’t know. All I wanted was to get out of there. But I didn’t consider I’d be coming back to nothing. It doesn’t matter, though. We’re here. This is the park from your picture.”
XXXVI.
My breath catches as a sign announcingplummer parkcomes into view.
All this time, I’d hoped to end up here, but I’d never been sure we’d make it. The sign spins, and I blink until it comes back into focus.
We follow a concrete path lined with rows of emerald trees and beige buildings. I no longer have the photograph, but it’s imprinted on my memory. I scan the greenery until I spot the benches forming a square in front of us. My heart races as I recognize the bushes behind them and the sign markingfiesta hall.
“That’s the spot,” I whisper. “That’s where he took her picture. Year after year.” My shoulders wilt as I study the people around us. “And she’s not here.”
Nate reaches for me, then drops his hand to his side. “Sorry, Devica.”
I’m grateful to the sunglasses for masking the tears that threaten my vision. I shake my head. “It’s fine. We knew this would happen, right? Her being here now would be nothing short of a miracle.” I lower myself onto her bench, tucking my wings behind me. My aching legs tingle, the journey threading through my muscles. “You don’t have to stay. You told me you’d get me to the park, and you did. We’ve both fulfilled our end of the agreement.”
Nate watches without responding. I can no longer read what he’s thinking. What once seemed so clear to me is now as foreign as the park I’m sitting in. It takes all my strength not to touch him again, not to kiss him. Every part of me yearns for the comfort we shared in the ice castle. The warmth we found in the coldest place in the universe.
But this is better, I remind myself.I’m doing this for him. It’s like back on the bridge. He doesn’t see that now, but he will.
Nate runs his hand through his hair and slowly nods. “Yeah, I’ll go. Good luck with your mom. I hope she shows up. Truly.”
“Thanks.” My voice wavers, and I breathe deeply to control it. “For everything.”
“You, too.” He gives me a smile that’s more like a frown forced upward. “Bye, Devica.”
I try to match his smile, but my lips won’t curve against my aching cheeks. “Goodbye, Nathan Reynolds.”
I can’t watch him leave.
I drop the sunglasses over my eyes and study the grass beside me, counting the blades as his footsteps recede.
When I look up, he’s gone.
My hand flies to my chest, and I grip the neckline of my dress with pinched fingers.
Part of me hoped he’d stay, despite the danger it means for both of us.
I wanted him to have as hard a time walking away from me as I had watching him go. But I can’t blame him. It was easy to stand beside me in a world of monsters. In Hell, I was a reminder of what he was missing up here. But on Earth, I’m the reminder of everything he lost down there.
Curling my legs into my chest, I hug them, then lay my head down and close my eyes.
I mourn everything I’ve abandoned to be here. My home, my father, Attero, and now Nate. I’ve spent my life not allowing myself to feel. I never grieved my mother. I pushed it down when Father ignored or criticized me. I agreed to take over for him on my birthday because it was expected of me.
