Page 72 of American Royals II: Majesty
“Actually, my mom used to take me up here sometimes. She was always thinking of activities for us to do,” Ethan explained. “Dragging me all over the capital to national landmarks and museums—teaching me history, but also teaching me who I was. As if she needed to make up for whatever sense of identity I was supposed to have gotten from my dad.”
Nina looked over. The moonlight gilded Ethan’s profile, tracing the curve of his upper lip, the straight line of his nose.
“You can tell me about it, if you want.” She reached for his hand. Ethan didn’t answer, but squeezed her fingers. She took that as a sign to keep going.
“I know what it’s like to grow up with a nontraditional family,” she said quietly. “To be the person hiding in the nurse’s office with a fake headache on Bring Your Dad to School Day. To have people look at us like we’re somehow missing a piece. I know what it’s like to grow up knowing that your family is different, and sometimes feelingashamedthat it’s different, and then hating yourself for being ashamed, because you love your family more than anything, even if it doesn’t look like everyone else’s.”
She dared a glance at him. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.”
Probably because there was no one else shecouldsay it to, except maybe Sam. And while Sam would have given her unconditional love, Nina also knew that Sam wouldn’t have understood, not really.
“No, I’m glad you did.” Ethan’s voice was hoarse. “My mom is the best, no question. She’s got more energy than anyone I’ve ever met. But I always worried about her, too. I used to think that it was my fault that my dad left, since…well, my mom is so amazing, so there’s no way he could have left because ofher.”
“Ethan, you can’t blame yourself for your dad’s leaving,” Nina whispered, her heart sore.
“Yeah, I know that. But…” He sighed. “I guess it’s one thing to know it, and another thing to actually believe it. To actuallyfeellike it’s not my fault.”
Nina’s hand tightened over his. She realized how rare it was for Ethan to speak with such raw honesty.
“I don’t know who my dad is,” he said clumsily. “The only thing my mom ever says about him was that they loved each other a long time ago, but that he couldn’t be part of my life. She doesn’t seem to resent him for it.”
“I don’t know anything about my biological father either,” Nina admitted. “Except that he was a medical school student who donated sperm for extra money. Oh, and that he didn’t have any family history of disease.”
“You don’t wonder about him?” Ethan asked.
No,Nina was about to lie, but bit it back. “Sometimes, but I try not to. Iknowwho my parents are. That man is just a stranger who helped them find their way to me.”
Ethan’s gaze was fixed on the horizon. “When I was little, I had all these outlandish theories about who my dad might be. I thought he was a superhero, or an astronaut—that he was off saving the world, and would come back for us eventually.” He sighed. “I think I was in middle school when I finally realized that he wasn’t coming.”
He leaned forward, the lines of his body languid and weary.
Nina turned toward him. “It doesn’t matter who your father is. You know that, right? His choices don’t determine who you are. Onlyyourchoices do that.”
“I don’t always make the best choices,” she thought she heard Ethan mutter, so softly she couldn’t be certain.
“Lookat me.” She grabbed his head with both hands, forcing him to meet her gaze. “You are not defined by your father. Neither of us is, okay? You are you, and you are a complete person, and you aregood.”
“But I wonder sometimes…if I found him, if I knew who he was…would I feel like I belong?”
Nina was silent. She’d lived around the royal family long enough to know how it felt, standing on the outside of something, peering in with lonely eyes.
“But you do belong,” she said adamantly. “You belong withme.”
Ethan’s weight shifted. For an instant Nina thought he might kiss her—but instead his arms wrapped around her and he pulled her close.
Nina turned her head to the side, resting it on Ethan’s shoulder, and breathed him in. She thought about childhood dreams and grown-up dreams and wondered how and where those two things might collide. She thought about the feel of Ethan’s heart, beating steadily against her own.
She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, hugging on the top of the Statue of Liberty, but it was long enough for her to realize one very important thing.
This was the same Ethan who, for years, had convinced Nina that he was snarky and arrogant. Maybe he still was those things. But now she appreciated the wicked edge to his humor, knew the arrogance was just a defense mechanism. She knew therealEthan, the one behind all the emotional armor.
Ethan stepped away, looking a little sheepish. His eyes flicked curiously around. “I wonder…”
“What?” Nina demanded, as he marched over to the back of the viewing platform, where the spikes of the statue’s crown rose sharply overhead.
“I can’t believe it’s still here,” he said with a grin. “I must have done this when I was ten.”
“What’s still here?”
