Page 122 of Reign
Maybe she was special all on her own.
She smiled at Louise, and it was the most genuine smile Daphne had given in a long time. “How soon can we start?”
Beatrice sat in her office with Anju, who was conducting three conversations at once: talking to Beatrice, occasionally murmuring orders to a note-taking assistant next to her, and typing furiously on her tablet.
They were trying to make a frantic plan for damage control, since the first round of guests would arrive in ten minutes. Should they tell them anything, or just let them take their seats in the throne room as if the wedding was still on? What about Daphne’s suggestion that she and Jeff handle their own press conference?
Beatrice’s mind had felt fuzzy and slow all day; memories of another, very different wedding kept rising to the surface of her consciousness. She saw herself in an enormous ivory wedding gown; she saw Samantha pulling her into a hug; but the memories kept cutting off before she could get to anything meaningful, like a film clip that ended too soon.
Somehow, Beatrice was unsurprised when Teddy’s blond head appeared in the doorway. He always did have a sense for when she needed him.
“Hey, Bee. I thought we were supposed to be meeting for photos soon, but the PR team said there was a delay?” At the expression on her face, he hesitated. “Is everything all right?”
Anju looked to Beatrice as if asking for permission, and Beatrice sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Can I help?” he offered.
Yes,Beatrice thought desperately. Not with the wedding, but by helping to clear up her own emotional confusion.
“Let’s take a walk,” she suggested, because the palace felt suddenly stifling, filled with too many expectations and opinions.
Teddy followed her out to the back lawn, the skies a bleak gray overhead. Beatrice stuffed her hands deeper into the pockets of her jacket, an old one of her mom’s that she’d found in the coat closet and thrown on without really noticing. Her breath frosted in the air, but she didn’t actually mind the cold. It felt invigorating.
She was still wearing her bridesmaid dress beneath, its wispy skirts skimming around her heels with each step. Franklin ran an eager circle around them, tail wagging furiously, before sprinting off toward the empty fountains. In the distance she saw the trees of the orchard, where they would have just finished taking bridesmaid photos with Daphne if things were still on schedule.
“Thanks for coming out here. I needed to get my bearings somewhere I could breathe.” Beatrice sighed. “Daphne and Jeff have decided to call off the wedding.”
Teddy glanced over sharply. “Oh my god. Is Daphne okay?”
Something about his phrasing gave Beatrice pause. “They decided this together, you know. It wasn’t like Jeff dumped Daphne at the altar.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions,” Teddy said clumsily. “I just always thought that Jeff was dating Daphne out of…inertia, maybe. He trusts her, and he really cares about her, but I never got the sense that he loves her. Or at least, he’s notinlove with her.”
“Oh,” Beatrice managed, startled by his bluntness. She hadn’t noticed Jeff having any reservations about Daphne, but Teddy was always so perceptive.
He tugged his wool hat lower over his ears. “Daphne, though, was really invested in the relationship. I hope she’s doing okay.” Teddy hesitated, then went on: “I know how much it hurts, to think you’re marrying one of the Washingtons, only for the whole thing to be called off at the last minute.”
At the mention of their canceled wedding, tiny flames of something—regret, or a poignant sort of heartache—kindled to life in Beatrice’s chest.
“Teddy, about last night…” She hesitated, suddenly desperate to explain. “Things have been terrifying ever since I woke up in the hospital. I couldn’t have navigated any of it without you.” Her eyes flicked up to meet his. “But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid.”
“Of what, Bee?” he prompted.
“I don’t know how todothis! I’ve only ever loved one person aside from you.” And she and Connor had never been in a real relationship, or at least, not a public one.
Beatrice was used to practicing for everything she did. She liked to study, to anticipate problems before they arose. She had been trained in negotiation and contracts, in people management and public relations.
But no part of her education had trained her to be a good partner.
“I’m worried that my job will always get in the way of things,” she said softly. “That it has made me…selfish.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know!”
“Not selfish on my own behalf, but on behalf of the Crown. My entire life I was told, over and over, that the Crown came first. That everyone’s needs must be subjugated to it, even—or especially—my own. It hasn’t exactly left a lot of room for romance.”
She attempted a weak smile, and failed. “I did love Connor, and there’s a part of me that will probably always lovehim.” He was a living link to the girl she’d been before she became queen: the version of herself she’d left behind when her father died. “But I’minlove with you, Teddy,” she added, repeating the words he’d just used about Daphne and Jeff. “That is something much bigger.” And exhilarating, and far more frightening.
Teddy’s blue eyes deepened in the sunlight. “You just said you love me, but you’re looking at me like you’re about to say goodbye.”
