Page 105 of A Queen's Match
“Thank you,” Hélène said softly.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” The queen spoke clumsily; she clearly wasn’t used to giving apologies. “I regret the role I played in keeping you and Eddy apart. It would seem that I’m not as good at matchmaking as I once was.”
That last was said lightheartedly, but Hélène didn’t smile.
“Given the circumstances, I wanted to bring you this,” Victoria added, holding out a hand.
Hélène rose and walked over; because even here, in a private audience, Victoria would never do anything so indecorous aslean.When the queen dropped a gold band onto her palm, Hélène stared at it in shock.
“Eddy’s wedding ring,” Victoria said unnecessarily. “He would want you to have it.”
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” Hélène held the ring so tight that it dug into the flesh of her palm.
“It is devastating, is it not?” The queen’s voice broke. “I keep regretting that I was so hard on him.”
Hélène didn’t argue with that. Instead she said, “Eddy loved you.”
The queen shot her a grateful look. “Someday, if you have children, you will understand. You do your best as a mother; and then you grow older and notice all the mistakes you made. Your grandchildren feel like a chance at doing things differently, correcting those mistakes. Albert and I were far too indulgent with Bertie, and look how he turned out,” Victoria observed, with shocking disloyalty. Hélène suspected she would never have made such a remark to anyone else—that they had entered some strange territory where they could both speak frankly.
“After Bertie, I thought I would do things better with Eddy, take a stronger hand. But I fear that I never gave him the credit he deserved. Certainly I never understood him the way you did,” Victoria added, nodding at Hélène.
“You had a hard role, playing both monarch and grandmother,” Hélène said magnanimously.
Silence descended in the sitting room once more. Hélène wondered, suddenly, where her parents were. What did they think of this strange audience between herself and the Queen of England?
“If you’ll forgive an old woman’s meddling, I should like to give you some advice,” Victoria went on, after a beat. “You were the great—the only—love of Eddy’s life. But that doesn’t mean he needs to be yours.”
Hélène looked up defensively. “Of course he is. I will never love again.”
“Eddy would not want you to drown in grief, as I did with Albert.” Victoria sighed. “Trust me when I say that I know how you feel. When Albert died, I could not get out of bed. It felt like the entire world had collapsed in on itself, like I was suffocating. But at least I got twenty years with Albert. You and Eddy had not even started your life together, had not yet tasted the joys of marriage.”
Hélène tried to imagine what Victoria would say if she knew the truth—that Hélène and Eddy had indeed tasted some of the joys of marriage.Tell her,she imagined Eddy goading her.Grandmother could use a bit of shock.The thought made her want to laugh.
And then, half a heartbeat later, she wanted to cry.
“I almost didn’t give you that ring.” Victoria gestured to the gold band, which Hélène was still holding tight. “I didn’t want it to become an obsession for you, the way Albert became for me. It all happened before you were born, of course, but you must have heard what a recluse I was after Albert’s death. I retreated to Balmoral, shut all the blinds, saw no one.”
“What drew you out of it?” Hélène whispered.
“I realized that I had the other great love of my life to think about.”
“Your children?”
“My country.”
There was another beat of silence. Victoria’s bright blue gaze met Hélène’s, and for a moment, Hélène felt like she was looking into Eddy’s eyes.
“You are so young, Hélène. I know you loved Eddy, but don’t do as I did and bury yourself alive. Keep living, for his sake. Here, or abroad, it doesn’t matter. Just promise that you will live, since Eddy cannot.”
Hélène stared down at the ring in her hand to avoid the queen’s gaze. “As it happens, I am leaving England. My mother and I are going to Normandy.”
“Of course. It is too bad that the lift on your exile did not extend to your brother and father, but you know, it would be quite difficult for the Third Republic to allow the Pretender and his heir back in France.”
Hélène started to nod—then she realized what the queen had said. How did Victoria know about the terms of her exile? Unless…
“Your Majesty. Didyouget our exile lifted?”
The queen shrugged. “Republican governments are so hard to deal with,” she said vaguely. “I make it a point never to negotiate with France. That is Lord Salisbury’s job.”
