Page 62 of A Certain Appeal
No matter how badly I want her.
The words snag on my awareness like a ragged fingernail on tights. I stare at him. Color blooms in his cheeks, though his expression is plain. He didn’t misspeak.
“Bennet?” He says my name softly, like a question.
I stretch my fingers forward, grazing his—
The phone beside us buzzes and I recoil. “You should get that,” I choke out. “Charles is in a state.”
Darcy’s eyes drop to the phone. When he looks back, his face is hard. “You—”
“ ‘I’m getting weak,’ ” I quote. “ ‘I need you to keep me from caving. I miss him... ’ ” I purse my lips. “ ‘I know what you said... ’ ”
Lights. Out. The shift is staggering. It makes the grim conclusion all the easier to accept.
“You’re why Charles chucked Jane,” I snap.
“Yes.”
My chest squeezes at the cool admission, forcing a short breath. No hesitation, no regret. The confirmation stings like a slap in the face. “Why?” The word sounds so meek. “Why would you do that?” I point to the phone. “Charles obviously has feelings for him. Jane adored him. They were happy.”
He hesitates, searching my face. Something like worry crosses his. “I thought it was a performance.”
“Aperformance?”
“I assumed Andrea put him up to it,” he says, back on the defensive. “She didn’t exactly hide her comments about Jane’s ‘sugar daddy.’ ”
Oh, God. I didn’t even think about Darcy’s getting wind of that. “You took thatseriously?”
“I know perfectly well how tactless that woman can be, Bennet. But you can’t pretend she didn’t think Jane and Charles’s being together would work to her advantage.”
I hate that I can’t argue the point. I could kick myself for not telling Andrea to lay off that talk. “None of us even knew she was trying to buy Meryton until that first evening you came in,” I say, though the excuse sounds feeble even to me. “And Jane had no idea about Charles’s involvement untilafterhe and Charles had already spent the night together.”
“And what did Andrea say about that?” he asks, like I’m on my way to proving his point.
Again, I have no defense. “Jane adored Charles.” My jaw is almost too tight to get the words out.
“That’s another thing. Jane was just so...” He shakes his head. “Affectionate.It didn’t seem possible that he could have felt so strongly so quickly.”
Ming’s warning pulses through my brain in time with my racing heartbeat. I insisted Jane’s enthusiasm wouldn’t be a problem, but Ming was right. It’s gutting.
“So?I could say the same for Charles. Are you telling mehegot to be head over heels for Jane, but Jane couldn’t show the same?”
Darcy opens his mouth, but he doesn’t reply.
“You didn’t even consider that, did you?” I ask, incredulous.
Darcy seems shaken, too. His eyes are distant, brows high. “I was protecting him.” His voice is hollow.
The excuse conjures Wickham’s warning about Darcy’s loyalty. My shallow, conceited ass interpreted it as a compliment, Wickham’s being jealous. Did he suspect this? Was he trying to warn me?
“Protect him from what, Darcy? How can you possibly link this to the club? Hadn’t you already shortlisted it for him?”
“Yes. But I—”
“Hadn’t bothered confirming what the business inside actually was?” I toss my hands up. “Pretty major oversight for someone who’s so goddamn protective.”
Darcy’s eyes are still unfocused, but they dart side to side, as though he’s cataloging every missed step in his shitty excuse for rationalization.
