Page 41 of Ellie Hayes and the Himbos
“Yes! Let me enhance one for you,” says Diego, wielding his sauce bottles. He administers them to a ball, and steps back so our roommate’s the only one on screen. As Alistair considers the offering, Diego produces a small remote from his pocket and uses it to make the camera zoom in on his friend, altering the angle so that when he takes a bite, it’s just Alistair’s immaculate features, his eyes closing as he savors his sample. The chat is alight with fire emojis and inappropriate suggestions for what else he might put in his mouth. Some people should not be allowed online.
The camera zooms out as Alistair swallows and opens his eyes.“Yo,”he says, and holds up a hand for a high five. Diego slaps his palm before they grip one another’s hands, pulling one another close enough to bump chests; the ultimate in dudely approval.“This is awesome,” he determines, and they separate. “So, is this one of the loading kits or one for a cut cycle?”
“Excellent question!” Diego cheers. “Built Box has versions of this kit for both. This was the loading one, so it came with ground beef, which has a higher fat content. But if you want a leaner option, you can choose ground chicken or turkey!”
“Sweet.” Alistair leans toward the tablet again. “Hah! People want me to take off my underwear.”
“Sorry, friends. This is not that kind of livestream.” Diego says, sounding politely empathetic. “But if you’d like us to take something off, how about 30 percent off your first month’s subscription with Built Box using the codeSTAYSTRONGMYFRIENDSat checkout?”
I give him a thumbs-up; that was a solid transition from sexual solicitation to self-promotion. I glance at the checklist of Built Box’s requests for the stream, but the guys covered the last items. “Diego, I think we’re done here. Thank you again for joining us!” I say, and step out of frame, grabbing my phone to cue Diego’s chosen outro music. I hit Play, and Diego picks up a quick series of very hip-focused dance steps.
“Until next time, stay strong, my friends!” He flexes again, Alistair and I joining him, then we are out.
For a moment, we stand in silence, the only sound the music still playing on my phone.
Then Diego lets out a whoop and sweeps me into a rib-crushing hug. “We did it!”
We hear back from Built Box in less than a minute. Diego puts them on speaker so I can contribute, but the conversation is largely an onslaught of praise and bro-speak. I envision a boardroom filled with beefy dudes giving one another high fives and exchanging back slaps.
Eventually, a female voice chimes in. “Ellie? Hello there! This is Veronica. I’ve been coordinating with Diego. As these continue, will you be participating?”
“Only as long as I’m needed,” I say, not sure if the angle in her question was hoping for more or less involvement on my part.
“For now, that would be ideal. You work great together. We’ll see what the numbers are ultimately, if there’s any viral traction, and what feedback we get. But for now, you have an excellent dynamic. Very… mentor-mentee. And your friend…” She clears her throat. “Alistair, was it? He could be a good addition. Coming in, testing things out. In, ah, whatever he happens to be wearing…”
Ornotwearing, I think, casting a glance at the guest in question. He’s loaded up one of my nice bowls with salad and a serving of balls and leans against the kitchen counter, seemingly unaware of his objectification. “In this house, it’s pretty much a guarantee.”
“As long as it feels organic!” There’s some murmuring in the back of the call, and Veronica replies in a terse, hushed tone before clearing her throat. “We were also wondering if Diego’s employer, Mr. Hammond, might be interested in participating.”
Diego’s face falls. He casts me a wary glance. “He doesn’t do—”
“We’ll work on him,” I say. Diego bugs his eyes at me, but I press my index finger to my lips. “He’s been lying low, but I think he’d be willing to make an exception for our man Diego.”
“That’s right! Our man Diego!” cheers one of the men, and the receiver once again erupts in a cacophony of dudely enthusiasm.
Eventually, the cheers wind down, and Veronica wraps up thecall. She doesn’t say anything about the fish sauce.
Diego stares at his phone as the screen darkens, then goes black. He’d perked up slightly during the last round of cheers, but he hasn’t smiled since Veronica mentioned Ian.
I elbow him. “Congratulations. You did a tremendous job.”
“You really think so?” His voice is tentative.
“You have excellent instincts. You were right on about needing to boost the flavor, and fish sauce was inspired.”
He stands straighter. “Yeah?”
“I don’t think I would have come up with it.” I shrug. “Honestly, based on what I’m seeing, and the other boxes we received, I don’t know how much you’re going to need me.”
“But you’re way faster at chopping things than I am.”
“That will come with experience.”
Diego’s phone chimes with a video call, and he’s back to his full wattage. “It’s my family!”
“Take it! Alistair and I will clean up,” I say, rousing a muffled “Huh?” from Alistair.
Diego nods and takes in a long breath. “Thank you, Ellie. This means a lot to me. I don’t know if I would have ever taken them up on the offer if you weren’t helping me to start.”
