Page 68 of The New Year's Party
“Fuck this!” Doug shouts as he spins around, hair flying,and punches right through the drywall. “Fuck that bitch and fuck all of you too!” With a wild roar, he storms out the front door.
Phelps, Will, Bunny, Ted, Allie, and I all look at each other. Allie’s hand is on her chest, her eyes wide. There’s a giant hole in Phelps’s wall. But it doesn’t seem to matter compared to the giant hole in my heart.
What does it mean to let go of the person you love most in the world?
To open your hands and let them fall, down, away from you, when you could have held them, you could have, if you were just strong enough—
“You okay, Hellie?” says Phelps.
I nod mutely and wrap my arms around my torso.
“Well, that was a lot, and I’m going to need a smoke before I have to look at Jennifer’s face again,” says Phelps. “Ted?”
“I’m gonna need something harder. Let me go get something from my car.” Ted makes for the front door.
“God, I just realized—where are Bennett and Olivia?” says Bunny.
“Cornfield,” calls out Ted right before the front door shuts behind him.
“Sorry... cornfield?” says Bunny.
“I’m gonna take five in the Dog House,” says Phelps. Only half under his breath, he says, “Bennett is not going tobelievethis shit.” Louder, he says, “C’mon, Will. Dog House. You and me, man.”
“In a minute.” Will is as pale as a ghost, his wound still trickling. “I just need a minute right here.” He plops down on the couch. He looks like he’s in total shock.
“Would now be a good time for Jell-O shots?” says Allie as I turn away from the group and make my way alone down the hall, toward the bedroom Doug and I were going to sharetonight. My asthma inhaler is in my purse and I could use a couple pumps.
The room is dark and warm. It feels safe. Now that I’m alone, with no one watching, I’m completely drained. All I want to do is lie down and go to sleep. I rummage in my purse but I can’t find the inhaler. The forced air through the vent tickles my face. I rummage in my overnight bag next.
“Jell-O shots? Anyone?” I hear Allie calling out.
“You know, I’d take a Jell-O shot.” It’s the faint sound of Bunny’s voice. “That actually sounds really nice right now.” Faded and distant, like all of this will be soon.
I could drive west. Start over somewhere entirely different. Montana, maybe. Or Nebraska. I’ve never had trouble finding a job.
That’s what I’m thinking when my hands close around something hard and cold and I realize I wasn’t rummaging in my own bag at all, but Doug’s.
It’s a gun.
Chapter 30
Jenn
I’ve locked myself in the basement, because I can’t stand the thought of anyone following me, questioning me, tearing me down like they think Ideserveit. I’m pacing up and down, my heartbeat going a mile a minute. Thoselosers. It’s just like Jesus and the sinners. I’ve only done what’s right, and a bunch of people with literal criminal records, drug addictions, and horrible choices are trying to throw rocks at me?
I won’t win them over. I knew I never could. That’s why I tried to cut ties... tried to make Will see...
I have to get out of here. I have to get the car keys and leave... but could Will usethatagainst me in court? The car we drove here is in his name. And does Will really have evidence? He can’t... Not after five years. Can they even legally reopen the case? I’ll deny and deny. It’s worked for me before. Ugh. How did I lose control of tonight so quickly?
I’m pacing, pacing, up and down the basement, shooting like a pinball from the wall with the massive screen to the opposite end with the sad built-in bar and the electronic darts. The painted cement floor is chilly under my bare feet.
Something beeps loudly behind me and I let out a yelp and spin, prepared to face—
Calm down, Jenn.It’s just the freaking electronic dartboard, turning itself on for no apparent reason. Cheap and broken,like everything else in Phelps’s house. Just as I’m taking a deep breath, there’s a loud whoosh, and I fly around—but that’s just the heater turning on.
I fill my lungs, then breathe out slowly. I can’t think if I’m panicking, and what Iactuallyneed to do right now is pick through the pieces of that night. Decide in my mind if Will really is bluffing, or if he has something. I dig my fingers into my temples and breathe in and out five times, trying to ignore the creaks and thumps of people moving around upstairs.
Mackenzie.
