Page 79 of The New Year's Party
“Sir?” said Officer Avery. His hand went to his holster. “I’d like to ask you to—”
“I—I did it. I fuckingshother, man. I shot that bitch. She got me fired from the best job I ever had.”
There was an audible collective gasp. Phelps’s heart rate ratcheted up to a thousand. He was going to need a fucking pacemaker after the number this was doing on his heart.
No way.
... and yet...
“And what job was that, Mr.—” said Avery, casually pulling out a notepad.
“Gutter sales. I sold those gutters all over town and it was easy for me, man, it waseasy, like giving candy to children.” Doug ran a hand through his hair and laughed.
Avery didn’t even blink. “There was no gunshot wound on the body.”
“Metaphorically!” said Doug. “I shot her, like—in a figure of speech! Anyway, I told her what I really thought about her and then I—I—” He spun his hands, looking around the group like he was asking for help.
What the fuck?Phelps mouthed at him.
“You did what, Mr.—” said Officer Jones.
Doug’s eyes went blank. He seemed lost in his own world.
“Pfluger,” Phelps filled in quietly. “His name is Doug Pfluger.” It was like watching a nightmare. A train wreck. An avalanche. He couldn’t stop it if he wanted to.
“Mr. Pfluger—” Officer Jones began, eyeing her colleague, and Phelps had to wonder what the hell they were thinking. How they’d tell this story to their friends later.And then we get to this New Year’spartyand it is nuts, man, there are party hats and busted champagne glasses, and this guy starts confessing that he shot someone whodefinitely wasn’tshot—
“Dougie—” interjected Hellie in a broken voice, taking a single step toward him.
“Blood!” said Doug, snapping awake. He pointed at Allie and laughed. “That’s right. Because I pushed her down the stairs! That’s it, man, that’s how I actually killed her!” His face was red. Expressive. Ecstatic. “Allie said to me, when she was telling us to call 9–1–1, ‘maybe she fell down the stairs’... because that’s exactly what happened! Ipushedthatbitch!” He sat back down on the low bookshelf and slapped the surface enthusiastically. The scented candle rattled.
Officer Jones did not look convinced. “This is all very interesting, Mr. Pfluger, but can I ask—if she was pushed down the stairs, how did her body get behind the couch?”
“Oh,that...I dragged her over there, man. You think I was gonna just leave her there? No! I was going to hide her body under the couch... then I realized, you know, she wasn’t gonnafitunder the couch. Know what I mean?” Doug shrugged, then slapped the bookshelf like this should be satisfactory.
“Mr. Pfluger, are you sure that is what happened?” said Officer Avery. “You do realize everything you’re saying can be used against you in a court of law?”
“I sure fucking hope it can! This is a confession, man! I’m confessing!” Doug burst out laughing. He had tiny tears in the corners of his eyes. “Man, I am so high right now...”
Ted hissed out his breath.
“High on drugs, Mr. Pfluger?” said Officer Jones.
“Weed... cocaine... totally my own stash though, dude, not Phelps’s. And not his.” He pointed to Ted. “Definitely just the stuff I always have on me.” He winked at Ted. Ted sunk his face into his hands.
It was like Baz Fucking Luhrmann had started directing the night. It was ridiculous. This confession was ridiculous—could notpossiblybe true... There was no question that Doug was unstable. But that had been Doug for most of his adult life, and even though the dude was crazy, Phelps had never known him to be physically violent—
The cops were eyeing each other. Officer Jones stepped forward. She looked tired.
“Then based on your confession, Mr. Pfluger, I have no choice but to arrest you.”
Officer Jones intoned his rights as Avery pulled out a pairof handcuffs. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you...”
Doug looked remarkably cheerful as Officer Jones said in a grim tone, “This way, Mr. Pfluger,” and opened the front door.
“Well, see you later, motherfuckers,” said Doug at the threshold. He pointed his chin at Hellie with a wide smile on his face. “We had a love story for the ages, huh, Hellie? Am I right? Like Romeo and fucking Juliet, you and me, baby!”
“We will still take statements from everyone,” Officer Avery said with a backward glance. “Don’t move.”
