Page 32 of The New Year's Party
She hesitated, and I could tell right away something was up. Her look was evaluating me. Scanning to see if I was a safe presence. Or a risk.
“I’ll just be a minute,” I said gently, and smiled in that soft way that always makes people respond.
“Go right back, honey,” she said with compassion, and it was then I knew I was right. Doug had lost his job.
John was very kind. He showed me the fax. I took a picture of it.
“Thank you for your time,” I said.
“Of course,” John said. “I’m just sorry for the way things worked out. And if this is false information, in any way, please... tell Doug that he can reapply.”
“I will,” I said.
But even though it wasn’t Doug’s fault that he was fired, it doesn’t change the reality that instead of confiding in me, Doug chose to lie. Again.
I love my husband. I have since I first laid eyes on him. Iwas his server at Denny’s, and he wrote his number on a napkin. We were just seventeen. On our first date, we listened to the Smashing Pumpkins and lay on the roof of his car and looked at the stars and he told me how music is poetry to him, how when he listens to Billy’s lyrics about being so damn angry but at the end of the day being nothing more than a rat in a cage, he feels like he’s not alone in the universe, that there’s some common bond running like an electric line through all humans, and if we can just tap into it, hang on to it, we’ll be saved. I held his hand and felt that electricity he was describing, that buzz of life, that mad pinball energy like a thousand shooting stars pinging through our connected hands, and I imagined a life that propelled me forward instead of stalling out like my mom’s life had, like I sometimes felt my life had, and I thought,We’ll go places together.From that night forward, I never wanted to let go, and I never have.
I love my husband, but he’s like a little kid during hide-and-seek, pulling a blanket over himself with no concept that his parents can see the shape his body makes. He still thinks he can trick me about his drug use, like I can’t see how high he is right now. Like I didn’t realize why he had to go to the bathroom the second we got here. Like we haven’t been doing this dance from the beginning.
Oh, Doug. I can see our past without your lies, and it looks so good. It’s like hope in reverse, imagining this life we could have had. Him, working as a personal trainer like he wanted to five or six years ago, right before he relapsed again. I know he started the certification process, and for a while it felt like that really could be our future. Me, at home with some adorable babies, making cozy casseroles for dinner and addressing envelopes for our yearly Christmas card. Not rich by any standards, but happy, because we would have each other.
Oh, Doug. It could have been different.
Chapter 16
Will
Clasping arms with his high school buds felt so good. Those solid hands on his shoulders, their thundering rhythm as they chanted,““Jump around! Jump around!”Will felt the power of their bond filling his body. Maybe he could find his strength here, tonight, to get the help he needed. The help that had felt so impossible to ask for... Could it be right here?
The song cut out abruptly, right in the middle of the chorus.
“It’s my data. Fucking AT&T,” swore a crimson-faced Doug as they all stopped jumping and he looked at his phone. “What’s your Wi-Fi password, Phelps?”
Jenn said loudly, cheerfully, “Aren’t we decorating hats?”
The energy shifted, Will was released, and everyone dispersed, talking all at once. Will felt cold. No, the help was not right here. Even if he told them... even if he revealed every awful detail... what then? Was Doug going to ride in on a white horse and save Will? Hah! Doug couldn’t even stay sober after multiple instances of professional help.
Which, by the way, was eating at Will. Hellie had given Doug an ultimatum. She’d told Will all about it. All Doug had to do was stay sober and hold down a job, but based on the size of his pupils, Doug had already broken his promise. And yet... here Hellie remained. Will had tried to encourage herto leave, years ago.You have a place with me and Jenn while you get back on your feet, he’d promised.You tell me theamount,I’ll write you a check—first month’s rent and security deposit.Jenn hadn’t liked that, of course. There’d been hell to pay on the marital front for that promise. But he couldn’t bear the thought of money holding Hellie back from leaving.
Jenn’s voice drew his attention.
“Wow, did Doug really get promoted?” Jenn was addressing herself to Hellie, touching her back as they headed toward the dining room, where the craft supplies were laid out. Will hung back. He had the same question, of course. No one in their right mind could look at Doug and thinkpromotable. Still. Did his wife not realize how she could come across?
“What do you mean?” Hellie said.
Jenn laughed. “I just mean... wow! Like, that’s great news! What a fun surprise!”
“He’s really good at gutter sales,” said Hellie with a chilly edge.
They had moved beyond Will. Instead of entering the dining room with the rest of the group, Will leaned against the arched frame that divided the rooms.
“I set out some fun supplies to decorate them with,” Allie was saying as the group began to explore the craft material. “Glitter glue, confetti... Help yourselves, but please be careful with the hot glue gun—we don’t want anyone getting hurt!”
“Kindergarten teacher,” announced Phelps. “And you’re all getting an end-of-party evaluation, so use your kind words and keep your hands to yourselves, children!”
Laughter followed.
“Also,” said Phelps, “I’m confiscating car keys! It’s that time. Everyone hand ’em over! Time-honored tradition. No one is driving drunk. You want to leave, you have to pass the sobriety test.”
