Page 67 of The New Year's Party
I’m exhausted. And right now, I see Will is too. Compassion softens me toward one of my oldest friends. I’m a total jerk for doubting him and I wish with all my heart I hadn’t gone batshit and smashed that glass against his head. It’s Jenn, and it always had to be Jenn, and how strange that, of this entire friend group, the one married to the drug abuser and the one married to the good Christian are the two most miserable people at the party.Jenn is a devil in a silk skirt, and Will deserved so much better. So did I.
“You can’t prove anything, William,” Jenn hisses. “You’re bluffing. You’re trying to scare me, like the big old bully you are. What evidence do youthinkyou have, anyway?”
Will’s mouth twists in a ghastly grin. Blood trickles down his face. “I guess you’ll find out in court.”
Jenn’s gaze scatters, flickering around the group. “This is total crap. I knew we shouldn’t have come here. These people have turned you against me, Will.” She zeroes in on him again. Her voice is tight. “Don’t you see what’s happening? None of thesefriendsof yours ever take responsibility. Now their lives are falling apart and they can’t stand that we have it so good. They’re trying to destroy us—you and me. Are you going to let them? Or are you going to step up and finally be the man you’re supposed to be?”
“If I’m a bully, you’ve made me into one,” says Will. “These people haven’t done a thing to us.Youdestroyed us, Jenn. You, and you alone.”
“Shiiiiit,” says Ted, and starts a slow clap. “Hats off, man.” No one joins.
“So it wasyou,” says Phelps through his teeth.
“You’re all insane!” screams Jenn. “I haven’t done anything! You all just want someone to blame for how your lives turned out! Well, guess what—you screwed yourselves.You’rethe liars and the cheaters! You’re the druggies and the adulterers and the—thecriminals!”
No one answers. Jenn pants heavily, eyes still scanning with desperate energy, as if she’s expecting one of us to step up and say,Oh, my bad, that makes sense.
“Just one more question,” says Phelps in a too-casual voice. “Did you, by chance, happen to tell Bennett that Olivia cheated on him? With me?”
Wait—the perfect couple didwhat? I look around to see how Bennett and Olivia are taking this and... Where are they?
“No!” says Jenn. “Now, can we please just return to some sanity? Do you all realize how out of control this is getting?”
Phelps turns his attention to the phone in his hand, and for a second I think he’s going to lead the way back to some semblance of normal. Play Wendy to our Lost Boys. Play a boisterous party song. De-escalate with a smart-ass comment that will make us all laugh... lead us to the next activity...
There’s a loud ding.
Jenn’s hand flies to her waistband, where her phone is tucked—then stops a mere half an inch from touching it. She slowly moves her hand away. Her breathing is coming faster.
Phelps pockets the phone. Somehow, he’s laughing. “Oh, myGod. Itwasyou. News flash, pretty lady—I didn’t sleep with Olivia! You want to know the truth? I jerked off in the bathroom, which, yeah, I’m disgusting, I can accept that it makes me a piece of shit, not even gonna argue that right now—but Bennett is a good person, okay? Possibly the best person I know. And you put him through years of fuckinghell.Why, Jennifer? Why thefuck?”
Jenn is standing stock-still. Her throat bobs. She shakes her head. Her voice comes out weak. Whispery. “Okay. So I made one mistake. As far as I knew, you did sleep with her. I just wanted to do the right thing.” Her chin trembles. “And I don’t expect any of you to understand that.”
Phelps smiles, but it’s not a happy smile. “Maybe we’re just too stupid to get it. I mean—I can’t say I get it! Because—the right thing by who, Jenn? By me? By Bennett? Or... by Eddie Duszynski?”
Jenn’s face crumples. She takes a step toward the front door, then stops. Will is there. She turns to the hall with the bedrooms, but that’s where Allie is standing. Jenn spinsaround with a cry of distress and rushes toward the kitchen, ripping the party streamers partly down on her way. A slam tells me she’s taken refuge in the basement.
There’s a very strange silence. I feel like I just stepped off a roller coaster. I cling even harder to Doug. My head is spinning. The room is too.
“So you’ll stay with me now,” says Doug before I can figure out how to ground myself. His arm goes around my shoulders. His cheeks are pink. His voice is joyous. “Now you know, Hellie. It wasn’t me! It was that bitch who got me fired. Iswear I was doing so good, they loved me there until—it’s okay though, I mean, I have real talent, I can find another job in sales. And—babe, this might not be the right time, but fuck it, it’s New Year’s—I’ve been thinking we should try for another kid, what do you think? Third time’s the charm?”
I was never good at science, but if I didn’t understand how time could be relative, I understand it now, because looking into Doug’s face, time is meaningless. I’m there forever, and also for the fraction of a fraction of a second. All my plans, all my hope in reverse, all of what might have been and all of what might still be seems to crunch inward, then outward.
I raise a gentle hand to Doug’s face and stroke. The pulses of time are all suspended here, in this face I have loved for seventeen years.
His eyes are blue. A strong sky blue with no bad weather in it.
If I could stay here forever, safe in this parenthesis, I would.
But with a merciless snap, time resumes.
Forcing me to choose—but I’ve already chosen.
“I’m sorry, Dougie,” I whisper. “I can’t.”
He pushes me away. Not hard, but I do stumble a little.
“Hey, now,” says Phelps. He places a defensive hand at my back.
