Page 74 of The New Year's Party
“Didn’t you hear me shouting my head off?” he said. She didn’t answer.
For a moment, Doug felt like he wasn’t actually looking at Hellie, but the ghost of Hellie.
“I am not moving out,” he said, pointing his finger at her pale reflection. “She’s my grandma. I moved back in to take care of her. If you want to leave,youfind somewhere to go.”
Hellie didn’t answer. She just looked back down at her hands. The water was pink. She squirted more soap. She was really working up a lather now. Could she hear him? MaybeDoug was the ghost. Maybe he was already dead. Tonight had felt like a dream.
“Are youtryingto piss me off now? Because it’s working.”
No response. Just like Fort Wayne. Cold, neutral Hellie. Hellie behind a wall, hidden away where he couldn’t get to her. He preferred her the other way, flying at Jenn like a wildcat with her bitch-claws out.Thatwas the woman he wanted to see again. To say goodbye to, he realized. He didn’t want to shoot her. What had he been thinking? He just wanted to know she cared.
He ran his hands through his hair. His scalp felt tight, every hair follicle like a diamond.
“Why won’t you say anything? Aren’t you even going to give me a proper goodbye? After seventeen fucking years together? Am I not good enough for you to even acknowledge right now?”Apparently not.He laughed. “You’re not even sad, are you? Admit it. It’s okay, I can take it. Just admit that you never gave a shit about me. That’s all I’m asking. Did you ever even love me, Hellie? Or were you in it for...”
Hellie lowered her gaze to the sink bowl. Her breathing was shallow.
Part of him wanted to grab her, spin her around, make her answer him...
Exhaustion crashed through him. It had been useless in Fort Wayne and it would be useless now.
“Screw this,” he said, kicking the open door on his way out. It rocketed against the wall.
He headed to the bedroom he and Hellie were supposed to sleep in tonight. Back to Granny’s he’d go. No shooting, it was too messy, and even then he wouldn’t get what he wanted, which wasn’t too much to ask, just a goddamn sign of love from his partner of almost two decades. As soon as he was home, before the sun even fucking rose, he’d take Hellie’s clothes, and her pathetic collection of scratched CDs fromhigh school that they didn’t even listen to anymore, her fantasy paperbacks and her makeup bag, and he would throw it all in the yard. Let her figure out how to come collect it all. It was no longer his problem, and if she wanted to be alone that bad, she could start figuring it out right quick.
He rummaged in his bag, wanting to feel for one second the security of the gun. He wasn’t going to use it tonight, not anymore, but...
Where was it?
“Fuck.” He rummaged some more. Gone. Fucking gone. His gun. Who had taken his gun? He turned on the light. The rotating ceiling fan turned on too. He made a search of the room. Under the air mattress, in the closet, under the pile of bedding... Nowhere. Double fuck. It was unlicensed.
He zipped his overnight bag closed, shouldered it, turned off the lights, and left the room. The bathroom was deserted now.
“Hellie?” he called out.
Gone.
Phelps would be in the Dog House, no doubt, where he had his stash of weed. Doug could go there, demand his keys... but first things first. Ted had the shit he needed so that he could handle everything else.
“Hello?” came a female voice from the kitchen, just as Doug was opening the front door. Hellie? No... definitely Olivia. So she’d found her way out of the old cornfield, after all. But he wasn’t lingering.
Outside, he stabbed the Santa with a stick he saw in the yard, then went straight to Ted’s car as the Santa deflated behind him. Ted was in the front seat. Doug wrenched open the passenger door and slugged his overnight bag inside. He climbed in after it.
“Fuck, man,” said Ted, leaning away from the dashboard before sneezing. “Stop trying to scare me. First you slam your hand on my window, now you—”
“I need a fix.”
“Help yourself.” Ted gestured to the dashboard, where he was lining up some powder on a little mirror.
Doug would indeed help himself. He deserved it, after all the shit that had gone down. The powder tickled. Aaaah. He closed his eyes. In a minute, he’d be able to actuallythink. It occurred to him that what hereallyneeded was for Ted to give him a few grams. A New Year’s present. Anyway, just look at Ted’s car. Brother wasloaded.
“Dude,” said Doug. “I’m headed out soon, but hey, before we part ways—”
Doug’s attention was arrested by sudden commotion near the house.
“Allie?” said Ted, already climbing out of the car.
“Someone call 9–1–1!” She was running toward them, waving her arms frantically. “Something happened to Jenn!”
