Page 89 of The New Year's Party
He would be the messed-up guy who was a monster and a peacemaker, too passive and too violent, a hetero who liked to put on dresses, a Christian who didn’t trust God, insecure and half-destroyed—Will would happily beallof it, imperfect, but trying, always trying, because he got the girls, damn it.
“I got them,” he said in a low voice as he walked toward the house, certain that somehow Jenn could hear him. “And whatever else I am, whatever else you say I am, Jennifer, I’m going to be a fucking incredible dad. You can keep berating me all you want, but I got the girls and you can’t take them away anymore.”
She didn’t get to follow him. She had to stay where she was, in her blood-soaked New Year’s Eve outfit, zipped into a bag. Dead. Still, Will glanced behind him one last time. He could almost see her through the windshield, dressed in the halter top and silk skirt she died in, arms crossed, ponytail ebullient, a tiny smile on her face.
A whisper—vindictive, satisfied—that only he could hear.
And you’ve got me too.
Chapter 38
Bennett
“You okay?” Bennett had been holding his tongue trying not to ask that very question as he merged onto I-94, because he didn’t want to push too hard on a bruise. Traffic was nil, so he figured they’d be home in just over an hour. The road was dark. Since Olivia was silent, he tossed her a glance. The light from oncoming traffic played in the hollows of her eyes, illuminating them, then obscuring again.
Olivia caught his eye in a brief flash.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“I think that’s fair,” said Bennett in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. “Considering what we just went through.”
He didn’t want to make her feel pressured to talk. On the other hand, tonight had taught him that they could no longer continue as they had. The phrase “ships crossing in the night” came to mind. Olivia had been bearing five years of guilt. He had been bearing five years of anger. Neither was justified. It was going to take Bennett a while to figure out how to not feel really, really shitty about all that wasted time.
And it was going to take him a while to figure out what to do with his intense anger at a dead woman—not to mention Phelps.
He took the exit onto the toll road.
“I can’t believe she’s dead,” said Olivia, propping a foot up on the dashboard. She laughed awkwardly. “I know I was a complete wreck all night. I have so much processing to do. About all of it.”
“Well... I hope you’ll do it with me,” said Bennett. He cleared his throat. “I don’t want us to be so... I don’t know. So guarded. I’m not blaming you. It’s just... I want things to be better. You know?”
“I know,” she said quietly.
“Why did you... freak out?” He wasn’t sure this was tactful phrasing, but he forged on. “When Phelps and I came back. When you ran into the cornfield.”
There had been no time to ask, amid the drama of Jenn’s death, the arrival of law enforcement, and Doug’s arrest.
She shook her head. “At that point I thought Phelps had assaulted me. Since I was so drunk five years ago, I wasn’t in any position to give consent, you know? That’s what I was thinking. And then you two came in all buddy-buddy with this totally different story...”
“Ah,” said Bennett. There was a sharp pain in the left side of his chest. He wished she could have told him. Wished she could have feltsafetelling him. What did it mean abouthimthat she’d fled?
Olivia’s voice was soft in the dark. “Now that everything with Jenn is out, and hearing Phelps’s side before we said goodbye... well, now I know it didn’t happen. That’s what actually makes sense, because I don’t have any memory ofhavingsex. There weren’t even any—you know. Signs. But Jenn was so certain. And the circumstances made it seem possible, so... I just hung everything on her story.” Olivia made a mirthless sound. “Even though it wasn’t what I thought, I do hate that Phelps did...that.” She shivered. “I know he was ina different room when he—” She flashed Bennett a glance. “I don’t know if I have a mental category for it, actually. Except that I feel... gross.”
“That’s not on you,” said Bennett, his heart squeezing. “You want me to go back and beat the shit out of him? You want me to cut him off? Tell him we never want to see him again? Because I will.” His pulse was thundering now. He squeezed the steering wheel until it felt like his knuckles were going to punch through the skin.
Olivia made a noncommittal sound, then quietly said, “No. I think I just need... time.”
Bennett’s pulse slowly returned to a steadier rate. Okay. They weren’t going to be rash. One step at a time. He could do that.
“You must have really trusted Jenn,” he finally said.
“I think it’s more to do with... past scars. Actually—” Olivia took a deep breath. “I want to tell you about...”
Bennett waited. They passed a lit-up South Shore station like a lonely beacon in the night.
“The guy before you,” she completed. “I’m not ready to talk about it tonight. But maybe tomorrow. After we’ve slept.”
“Whatever you have to say, you don’t have to be nervous. About my reaction, I mean. I will support you one hundred percent,” said Bennett fervently.
