Page 32 of The Same Backward as Forward
“Is that the best you can do?” I gritted out, unsure why the words came out hoarse instead of harsh.
Harry started walking toward the door, slow and steady, his eyes never leaving mine. “I see you, Hannah the Same Backward as Forward. All of you.”
This was worse,so much worsethan being kissed—because I believed him.
“I see you, too,” I said, my voice like steel, even though my heart was pounding. “I see a scared little boy whoruns.”
I was sure now: That was what he’d been doing when he came to Rockaway Watch. I didn’t know exactly why—the poison tree, the metal token—but he had sure as hell been running away from something.
“I see a coward,” I continued mercilessly, “who only fights the battles that don’t matter because facing down the ones that do would be too damn hard.” I pinned him with a look. “Has it ever occurred to you,Harry, that you don’t remember who you are because you don’t want to remember?”
The next thing I knew, he was directly in front of me. “Thentell me. Who am I, Hannah?”
I realized suddenly that this might have been his endgame with this whole conversation. Maybe he’d pushed and pushed and pushed with the sole intention of making me push back.
“In fairy tales,” Harry said, “there’s a power in names.”
He was so close—and I was suddenly certain: He was thinking about kissing me again.
He won’t do it, I told myself.I won’t let him.If he was so damnset on telling stories, I’d tell him one. I would give him exactly what he was asking for. His name. His background. The truth about the fire—and the blood on his hands.
I opened my mouth. The instant I did, he stepped back and sucked in a breath. It was like I’d just taken a knife and sliced open his skin.
The change in him was so sudden and absolute that my mind went immediately to the way he’d reacted when he’d seen the metal token.
“On second thought,” he rasped out, “don’t tell me.”
Hewas the one who’d opened Pandora’s box here, the one who’d laid me bare. He had pushed and pushed and pushed, and he could damn well deal with the consequences. “Your name is—”
“Please.”
I hadn’t expected that.
This time,hewas the one who looked away. “As it turns out, Hannah the Same Backward as Forward, apparently, I’d rather stayHarryto you.”
Chapter 27
I didn’t say a word to him for three days. Remarkably, he didn’t say anything to me, either. On the fourth day, I realized he was barely eating. I hadn’t gone to the trouble of nursing his ass back to life to watch him wither way now.
I set a plate of food roughly down on the mattress beside him and waited.
His gaze slid toward mine. “I’ve read enough fairy tales to know that one should be wary of magical beings bearing food.”
I wasn’t going to go down the fairy-tale path with him again. “Eat, and I’ll play,” I said flatly. “A game of your choosing—within reason.”
“And you claim that you aren’t selfless.” Harry picked up the plastic fork I’d provided, twisting it between his fingers. “That you have no magic. That you aren’t a ray of uncompromising, unbroken light.”
“Eat,” I told him, “and shut up.”
“And here I thought the last few days had established that I’m only capable of doing one of those things at a time.”
I had the sense that might be one of the truest things he’d ever said to me, that he could shut the world out and lose interest in even food—or let it all in.
“Eat,” I said again. “We’ll never make it to the lighthouse if you don’t.”
The lighthouse and then farther and then far enough that he couldleave.
Harry began to eat. “Hangman,” he told me.
