Page 45 of The Same Backward as Forward
“There are a lot of letters,” Harry told me, “that can be written with only three lines.”
I’d broken his code. I felt his presence like breath on my skin and wondered if he could feel mine the same way. I wondered what the hell we were doing, what the hellIwas doing.
No regrets.
“I read the poem.” I wasn’t even sure where that came from. “The one you quoted to me, weeks ago. ‘A Poison Tree’ by William Blake.”
Harry took a step toward me, then another, leaving him standing maybe a foot away. “Say that again.”
“‘A Poison—’”
“The poet’s name,” he cut in, and the intensity in his voice was like nothing I’d ever heard.
“William Blake,” I said. I stared at him through the dark, wondering what he’d remembered—or what he was on the verge of remembering.
“It’s right there,” Harry said hoarsely. “Just out of reach.”
“What is?”
“Something.” He turned his back on me and started pacing—exceptpacingwasn’t even the right word. It was closer toprowling. “The tree is poison, don’t you see?” His voice was low, but I heard every word.“It poisoned S and Z and me.”
He was remembering, and it hit me just how badly I didn’t want him to. But I couldn’t hold him back. “What does that mean?” I asked.“The tree is poison…”
“I don’t know.” He gritted out the words.
“SandZ,” I said quietly. “You have sisters.” I’d read that much in those news articles that had been so quick to pin the Hawthorne Island tragedy onmysister. “One named Skye, one named Zara.”
“Did I love them?” Harry asked roughly. “My sisters.Did I love them the way you love Kaylie?”
He said Kaylie’s name like it mattered, likeshedid. He’d described my love for Kaylie in the present tense, but when he’d asked about his own sisters, he’d used past tense: DidI love them?
Like the person he’d been was already dead and gone.
“I don’t know.” I went with honesty, knowing he would hear it if I didn’t. “They must be missing you, the way I miss Kaylie.”
He angled his eyes sideways toward mine. “Come now, Hannah the Same Backward as Forward, why would anyone miss me?”
My hand caught his as he prowled past. He stilled and looked down at our hands, and then his fingers curved around mine, and he pulled me toward the water.
Sometimes, I could hear him saying,when I look at you, I feel you, like a hum in my bones, whispering that we are the same.
I tried to banish the memory of his voice and ended up hearing another voice in my mind instead.Promise me…
I looked up, my eyes searching the night sky. Overhead, one star glowed brighter than all the rest.
Kaylie.
I’d made her a promise. Whether it had been real or not, I sure as hell wasn’t breaking it. Waves lapped at my feet as I pulled my hand from Harry’s and raised it over my head.
“What are you doing?” He stared at me through the darkness.
“Dancing,” I said, remembering my sister telling me tofeel the music.
Harry arched a brow. “You call that dancing?” A slow smile commanded his lips.
The next thing I knew, he was dancing, too. His body knew exactly how to move. I kept dancing, and he danced toward me, until there was no space left between us at all.Damp sand. Night sky. The breeze off the ocean.I felt it all, the same way I felt him. The two of us moved in rhythm with each other for the longest time, and then, without warning, we were kissing in the moonlight, and there was nothing frantic about it this time, nothing angry or brutal. He kissed me like the tide comes in, little by little by little.
No regrets.
