Page 81 of The Same Backward as Forward
Five words that aren’tsex. I know, long beforesheacquiesces and even longer before she makes her fifth word, that she is going to come out on top of this challenge.
Myvictory is just how much she relishes the win.
Chapter 15
Do I even want to know what you’re drawing?” Hannah’s tone makes it clear that she is contemplating murder. All I’ve drawn so far is a circle on the back of her hand.
“I don’t know, Lügnerin.” German, forliar. “Do you?”
We are, both of us, liars. I lie to her every time I pretend that all I want is to get a rise out of her, and she lies to herself every time she acts like she might say no to one of these games.
“One hour.” Hannah drives a hard bargain. “One full hour of grueling rehab. That’s what you’re going to give me if I let you finish your little drawing.”
“You’re going to work me hard.” I do not phrase that as a question.
“I hate you and want you out of my life,” she replies. “Do we have a deal?”
Someday, I will be able to walk distances. Someday, I will leave this place. Someday, she will be rid of me.
But not today.
We have a deal—and I have a question for her. In many ways, it isthequestion. The piece of the puzzle that I cannot quite make fit.
Why stay?Not just with me but within her family’s sphere.That Jackson has a history with Hannah’s mother makes me think their world is quite small, and Hannah the Same Backward as Forward is a person made for bigger things.
Why hide when you can run?My body buzzing, I bring the pen to touch her skin once more. My brain segments my question into pieces—a letter here, a letter there, and I mentally scatter them around the circle before making my way around it clockwise, writing down letter after letter.
When I’ve finished, when the last letter has been inked onto her hand, I relieve Hannah of my touch, and I wonder how long it will take her to solve this one.
Chapter 16
Do you want a hint?” I ask. She hasn’t solved it yet. All my question earns me is a truly impressive glare. “I’ll take that as a no, then.”
She’s bandaging my chest. It’s been clear for a while that it will scar, and I’m hit with the feeling that someday, looking at these scars will remind me of moments like this one.
Ofher.
I push down the realization that there will be a time after Hannah. “I do hope you appreciate how magnanimous I’m being by not gloating right now,” I say.
“Youaregloating.” It’s eating at her that she hasn’t solved my puzzle yet. I take it as a small glory that she re-inked it onto her hand.
“I am gloating in anunderstatedmanner. I assure you that were I not, my method of gloating would be far more memorable.”
Her eyes assuremethat I’m going to pay for that. She smiles sweetly. Hannah the Same Backward as Forward is many things, but she is notsweet.
“Should I even ask what torture you have planned for me today?”
The name of this game is Back And Forth.
“Today,” Hannah declares, “we work on uneven ground.”
Outside.It’s been so long since I’ve been outside. Pain tears through my optic nerve. I can’t see.
But she’s there—Hannah the Same Backward as Forward, Hannah, through and through, bracing her body against mine. I can feel every single place that we touch, feel her strength, feel all the ways that our bodiesfit.
The line between agony and ecstasy has never been so thin.
I want things I have no right to want. I feel things I should not feel. She is the first thing I see when my vision clears, and I am the last person who should be holding so tightly to her arms.
