Page 23 of Save Us
I walk slowly over to the sofa. I pull up a leather footstool so that I can sit facing Cyril. He doesn’t even bother to look at me. He stares at the ceiling, eyes dim, as if he’s on something way harder than mere booze.
I remember what he said yesterday. The provocation in his voice:Ask him, Ruby. Ask him who took the photos. The way he gave me back my phone with his mocking thanks. It cost me every ounce of strength I possessed not to go for him then and there, but to walk away and leave him standing by Lexington’s office.
I know Cyril. Hitting him was exactly what he wanted me to do. And he’s probably hoping I’m going to do it right now. But I’m not giving him the satisfaction. I’m not going to use my anger to help him compensate for his own pain. Because Cyril is clearly hurting. Anyone who’s known him as long as I have can see that.
Eventually, I begin bluntly, “Dad kicked Lydia out.”
My words have the desired effect: Cyril flinches and looks at me through half-closed eyes.
Lydia is the only person that interests him. I knew that would get through to him.
“He shouted, hit her, and sent her off to our aunt’s in Beckdale, Cy,” I continue calmly. I swore I’d keep a cool head, but the moment I remember that, my fists clench automatically. It’s pure instinct.
Something dark flickers in Cyril’s eyes. “He said he’d make sure Sutton left her alone,” he says hoarsely. “That we could get rid of them both in one go.”
My nails dig into my palms. “What the fuck did Ruby ever do to you?” I growl.
Cy snorts with laughter, but it’s anything but amused. He rubs both hands over his face and then digs them into his dark hair. “Before the two of them showed up, everything was perfect, man.”
“Nothing was perfect. Before Lydia met Sutton, she was doing shit.”
Cyril’s shoulders cramp up. Now he clenches his fists too. “That’s not true.”
“Maybe you didn’t know her as well as you wanted to think.”
“Fuck,” Cyril groans, punching the sofa cushion. “All I wanted was for things to go back to how they used to be!”
“You’re acting like everything used to be so amazing, Cy. But that’s just not true.”
“We used to have the best time together,” he says, his voice shaking. “We didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought. We wereinvincible, James. And now that’s all gone.”
His cheeks are flushed, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly.
Suddenly, I see what the problem is. I never wanted the life my parents had planned for me, but it wasn’t like that for Cyril. Iwas always afraid of the future, but Cyril was looking forward to going to Oxford and following the path laid out for him. I always had a suppressed yearning for somethingmoreburning inside me, but Cyril was happy with his life.
“Don’t try to tell me that what you did was out of any kind of friendship.”
“But it really was. I was trying to get back to being best mates.” Now it’s Cyril who looks like he’s about to jump to his feet.
“You were looking out for yourself. You were selfish. Because you can’t deal with change.”
“That’s not true,” he replies.
“What were you thinking? That my father would be delighted by the news?” I ask coldly.
“He said he’d get rid of Sutton. That was all I cared about.”
I snort. “You’ve achieved the exact opposite of what you wanted. Neither Lydia nor I will ever look at you the same way again.”
Cyril flinches. It’s as if I’d slapped him in the face. “I…I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t want him to punish Lydia.”
I lean forward on my seat and look Cyril in the eye. “You hurt the two people who matter most to me in the world. I’ll never forgive that.”
“I can’t undo what happened.” His voice sounds agonized, he’s practically squeezing the words out.
“Yes, you can.”
He shakes his head. “Lexington wouldn’t believe a word if I went to him now. And what would people think of me?”
