Page 56 of Save Us
James looks thoughtfully at me. After a brief hesitation, he opens the browser again. I lean forward for a better view of the pages he’d had up.
Loads of blogs. All related to travel.
“Wow,” I murmur, clicking through a Bali bucket list, top travel tips, the best beaches in Lombok, seven amazing Airbnbs, travel with hand luggage only, the best onboard snacks, and some guides to WordPress. “So many posts.”
“I follow so many people.”
I look up. His face looks weirdly guilty. “Why are you acting like I’ve found something dodgy in your search history?”
He shrugs one shoulder uncertainly. “I don’t even know. This has never been anything I’ve been able to follow through on. I just used to look at this stuff to chill.”
“Like my ASMR videos.”
“Exactly,” he says with a quiet laugh. “I liked being able to escape into a different world like this, even if I couldn’t travel in real life.” He hesitates. “But now…”
I wait, but he doesn’t continue.
“Now?” I ask cautiously.
It takes him a moment to get his thoughts together. “Now I get the feeling it might be possible to…make something of it.”He pulls a face. “I know it’s daft. Who in their right mind would turn down a place at Oxford to go traveling and then write about it on the internet?”
At that moment, something clicks. James doesn’t just want to travel—he wants to blog about it. Warmth floods through me.
I remember the list we made together at St. Hilda’s. Back then, he doubted that his longing to see the world was really something he could consider a dream. But back then, he hadn’t faced up to his dad. Now he could actually do this—there’s no one to stand in his way any longer.
“Of course you can do that, James,” I say gently, laying a hand on his arm.
“It was always the plan, you know? To go after uni. To be independent of Beaufort’s and my parents.”
I nod.
“Now I’m spending my whole time thinking that there’s no reason to go to Oxford. Academically, I mean. Obviously, I want to be with you, and my friends. But then I think about how much that place means to you, and how hard you’ve had to fight for it. Wouldn’t it be unfair to steal the opportunity from someone who wants it way more than I do?”
“If it’s not the way you want to begin your life,” I say slowly, “then you should turn it down.”
James lowers his gaze, but I can see in his gloomy eyes that this isn’t the first time he’s agonized over this. He looks really torn.
“Everyone deserves a world full of opportunities, remember? And if this is the thing you really want to do, then you should go for it.”
He looks up again and the furrow on his face smooths a little. “You think?”
I nod firmly.
“You could ask Ember how she got started with her blog. She’s a real pro these days, and I bet she can give you some tips.” I look at the clock and frown. “But she’d have to actually come home first.”
“Hmm,” says James, a slight smile playing around his lips. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, Ember can take her time.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’d like to show my girlfriend how glad I am that she believes in me and my dreams.”
Without looking away from me, James takes the laptop and closes it. Then he leans forward and presses his lips against my forehead. He traces a line over my temples, down my cheeks, and starts dotting kisses all over my face. I shut my eyes and let my head sink into the mattress as James continues to express his thanks.
15
Ember
I start by waiting for Wren to take a spoon of ice cream.
