Page 102 of Save Us
Then he turns to me. “OK.” He clears his throat.
“OK,” I whisper.
James bites his bottom lip and looks at me. “I’ll text you in the morning.”
I’m scared I’ll start crying if I say anything else, so I just nod. He leans in and gives me a gentle kiss. As he goes to pull away again, I grip his forearms and pull him closer to me. He makes a surprised sound against my lips but doesn’t break off the kiss. Instead, he buries his hand in my hair and kisses me just as desperately as I’m kissing him.
When we finally move apart, we’re both breathing hard and fast. James lifts his hand and carefully strokes the hair off my face. “I love you,” he says, his voice raw, then he turns, opens the car door, and gets in.
Motionless, I watch as he drives away and finally disappears around the corner. My heart aches. For him, for me. Forus.
“Ruby?” Ember’s hesitant voice gets through to me.
I turn toward her. She’s standing indecisively in the garden gateway.
“Is everything OK?” she asks.
I open my mouth to reply, but the only sound that comes out is a sob that surprises me as much as it does Ember. Her eyes open wide in alarm as she comes to give me a hug.
“Oh, Ruby,” she says, stroking my back as I let the tears flow.
James
I’m not speeding, but it feels like the houses of Gormsey move past me way too fast. And yet it also feels like I’ve been in this car for a lifetime when it can’t be more than five minutes since I drove away from the Bells’ house.
It’s in your hands, James, my father’s voice rings in my head.It’s in your hands.
If it’s in my hands, why doesn’t it feel as though I have any choice? Why is the world whirling so fast? Why is there this pressure growing in my ribs?
My sight is blurring. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, but it doesn’t help. I slow down and pull over at the side of the road. Then I switch off the engine and lean my head against the steering wheel.
Dad’s voice is getting louder and louder in my head, until I can’t stand it and feel an urge to press my hands to my ears. All this is making me so angry. I hate losing control like this. I hate that Dad has forced me to leave Ruby and her family.
Blind with rage, I pound the steering wheel. I can’t go on. I just can’t go on like this. Again and again, I pound it with my fist until I have no strength left and let my head sink back against the rest. I shut my eyes and take a few deep breaths, and after a whilethe world stops spinning so fast. My eyes aren’t blurry anymore, although they still sting.
I look down the road ahead of me and think about what will happen next if I drive back to Dad’s. How it will feel.
I start the engine again. My body is on autopilot as I steer, and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve turned left. This route is part of my flesh and blood now—I could probably do it blindfolded.
I park right behind Wren’s car, get out, and walk up the short path to the Fitzgeralds’ front door. Without thinking, I press the round doorbell.
A minute passes and nothing happens, then Wren opens the door. His eyes widen slightly at the sight of me. Then he frowns.
“Are you here to give me hell about Ember?” he asks.
The words stick in my throat as I take in what he just said. “Why the hell would I want to give you hell about Ember?”
“Ember is the girl I was telling you about. I…I thought Ruby must have sent you. She saw us together today.”
I have no idea how to answer that. The questions are piling up in my mind. Wren and Ember? How must Ruby have reacted when she found out?
The thought of Ruby is like a painful stab that reminds me why I’m here.
“No, I’m not here about Ember.”
Wren nods slowly. “Is it your dad?”
Now it’s my turn to nod. “He’s expecting me home, but I can’t right now.”
