Page 72 of Save Us
James looks back at him and shrugs. “You fucked up. And I was angry, yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we hate you.”
Cyril laughs bitterly and shakes his head. His eyes flit to the end of the bench, like he’s considering leaping over Wren andKesh and running out of the bar as fast as his legs will carry him. At the same moment, Wren leans forward and leans both arms on the knotty wooden table. Cyril clenches his teeth together and sinks back again. He runs his hands over his face and groans quietly.
“I don’t get it, Cy,” I say, glaring at him as he lowers his hands again. “Youwere the one who fucked up.Youwere the one who got Lydia sent away and Ruby suspended. You didn’t even try to speak to us, even once. You’re just assuming that we hate you. What were you thinking? You want us to stay mad at you forever?” I shake my head. “Why are you like this?”
“Because I know I screwed up, OK?” Cyril roars, thumping the table so hard that his glass wobbles precariously. “I am perfectly well aware of that. I know that you’ll never forgive me, so why bother?”
I stare wide-eyed at him. His shoulders are rising and falling rapidly. He looks like he did at the party, when James helped him down off the table—like he could burst into tears at any moment, but he’s holding back with everything he has left.
“I don’t know what you guys want from me,” he goes on, more calmly now. “What do you care what I do with my free time?”
“We care because you’re still our friend,” Wren says, his voice steady. “Despite everything.”
I murmur in agreement. Cyril just chews his lip.
“Talk to us,” Kesh suggests calmly. “We don’t even know exactly what happened.”
“Would that change anything?” Cy replies resignedly.
Kesh looks at him side-on with his dark eyes. After a while he raises one shoulder. “It can’t do any harm, can it?”
Cyril stares at the tabletop. He takes a deep breath and thensighs it out. His eyes flit over to Ruby, who is sitting next to James and hasn’t uttered a word in this whole conversation.
“I wanted to go to Lexie and tell him the truth,” he begins eventually, his voice raw. “But then your dad turned up on the doorstep, James. He said that if I tried the smallest thing to help Ruby, it would be war. I…got scared and let him intimidate me because I know what he’s capable of.”
Suddenly, it’s so quiet around the table that you can almost hear the bubbles of carbon dioxide rising up the glasses.
“I didn’t dare go to Lexie, but I knew I had to do something. So I sent the photos to you.” Cyril gulps hard. “And I meant what I told you at the club. I’m really, really sorry.”
The barman comes over and asks if we want anything else. Ruby is the only person to react and say a polite “No, thank you.” We spend a few minutes in silence until I can’t stand it any longer.
“We have to do better than our parents,” I say, my voice cutting through the awkward silence. “That’s what we always said, isn’t it? That we don’t want to turn out like them. Kesh excepted, maybe, because his folks are saints.”
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m sick of this,” James adds. We turn to face him. “I’ve had enough of seeing us drift apart like this. And yeah, there are loads of changes coming up, but there’s one thing I’m sure of—you’re all important to me. I want you in my life. All of you,” he says, looking straight at Cyril.
“We’ve gone through so much together.” Wren nudges Cyril with his shoulder.
“You can’t just ignore stuff, Cy,” says Kesh. “You can’t disappear like that, not turn up at school, and then spend your weekend at McCormack’s getting wasted. OK?”
There’s another minute of quiet. Then Cyril looks up and turns to Ruby.
“I’m sorry,” he croaks. “I wish I could take back the stuff with the photos.”
Ruby presses her lips together and nods abruptly. Her cheeks suddenly look really pale. “It’s…it’s OK, Cyril.”
“It’s not OK, and we both know that,” he replies. “But all the same, I want you to know how much I regret it.”
He and Ruby look at each other, and it’s like there’s a silent conversation going on as she works out whether or not he’s serious.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him apologize so much,” Wren says suddenly.
“I don’t think I’ve ever even heard Cyril utter the word ‘sorry,’ ” Kesh agrees.
Cyril tears his eyes away from Ruby and runs a hand through his hair. Then, like he’s only just thought of it, he punches first Wren and then Kesh on the shoulder. Kesh tries to dodge, almost slipping off the bench. It looks so funny that James and I burst out laughing.
“It’s about time you came back to school,” James tells Cyril.
Half a lifetime passes until finally, Cyril says, “You’re right.”
